Everyone needs help. Yes I said everyone. Do you get stuck cleaning when your child is really needing you? Do you avoid confrontation with your partner and instead make sure the kitchen is perfect? What is this about? Why do so many women take energy out and avoid what’s really going on with cleaning?

I’ve heard and seen this enough times to really ask? What’s with the obsession of cleaning? To be clear, I am not suggesting to have a dirty mess. But what is under the concept of going to bed with an immaculate home? Especially when it will be a mess again the next day. SO this blog is about cleaning, but really my question is – when does cleaning become an activity that helps you to stay numb, or to not actually deal with where attention is really needed.

It’s amazing when I work with a Mom who says, “I know I avoid disciplining, by cleaning, but I just can’t stop, it’s what my Mother did with me.” It beautiful when we can see our own self-serving patterns. If they are patterns that don’t really work, after the awareness and ownership of the pattern, the next step would be to take an action and do something that is REALLY uncomfortable. Perhaps leave the dishes in the sink OR get a cleaning service once or twice a month!

powoh7n0g01k4qq    So let’s think once that is taken care of, and only maintenance has to happen, the next problem that may arise is, dealing with the issues that you were avoiding with the cleaning.

What were you avoiding? Some parents avoid; communication, children’s responsibilities, a partner that is not being responsible, or it may actually be an unwinding period (which would be amazing) and easy to replace something that feeds your soul instead.

Does anyone relate to this? I would love to hear your comments on why you clean to perfection or why you never get your house cleaned to perfection. Not only would I love to hear, but many other parents would love to feel comforted that they are not alone.

All comments welcome,

Love,

Shane

The eve before the New Year! Years of making wishes, resolutions, setting intentions and moving on. It’s Universal and it feels good to be part of the WORLD as a whole. Even if you no longer do any of the above, you are making that choice and that is something we are all (as in humanity) doing.

The holidays can trigger A LOT of stuff. I see it as a segregated way to celebrate and connect to joy. What are you? What do you celebrate? Why don’t you have a tree? Do you have a real tree? You get it. ALL of it can initiate judgement, or feelings being hurt.

New Years is for everyone. That feels good.

Today I went for a walk on the beach and found these two items. I found them after I washed my hands and boots in the water, symbolizing washing away anything from 2015 that didn’t and doesn’t serve me.

The large spiral shell, (the name/type I don’t know) symbolized BIG things to come. The coconut?!? Well I know it comes from far away places, and it was brought directly to me in my path, it feels very meaningful, but I’m still processing.

My new year will look like a lot of intentions GIVING in my business, and a lot of collaborations in business as well. For me personally, self-reverence.

My first gift to give in the New Year, is a Family mapping session/planning class. I am inviting you to this free class, so you can actually have a family that is easy to be in, and full of deep connections and love and truth, where no one is made to be wrong or right, good or bad. Show up to this online class and actually get to envision what this next year will be like for your family! It CAN be ideal. January 11th, 2016. This date is also the NEW MOON. THE perfet time to create what you want. Register here.

Here are some details:  1/11/15 8:30pm EST
I invite parents into this free video class for several reasons:
*For you to lay out goals for your family and yourself this new year
*For you to get a sample of what it would be like to work with me
*For me to give, I get joy from supporting parents
*I want you to know you CAN have peace in your home and in your mind

There will be:
A guided meditation, journaling and schetching out a map. You’ll need paper or a notebook, color pens or pencils, an hour of dedicated time.

This video class is you showing up open and curious. We will explore all the goals and intentions together, you will answer questions privately and place them on paper to create a map of what you want, and how you want your family to be in 2016.

Who is this class for?
*Parents of any age
*Parents who are struggling
*Parents who want more joy for their family
*Parents who feel out of control
*Parents who want more pleasure in parenting
*Parents who are overwhelmed
*Parents who are exhausted
*Conscious parents or those that want to be more pro-active
*Parents who take action
*Parents who are grateful
*Parents who are hopeless and want to feel good

I love you all. Have a peaceful new start to the NEW YEAR! Cheers!

Love,

Shane

Logo_CCD_v2

I work with a child and the  Dad is home with her all day. During our session he sits in a chair and watches, occasionally asking a question from the background.  Today we had a conversation and he said; “he feels “useless.”  I understood clearly. He says he is waiting for a spot to open up for his daughter in school. I only halfway believe him.   He watches his daughter but does not engage but to test her knowledge of colors or numbers to to tell her what to do or what not to do. Waiting on anything can be frustrating.  I wonder if he will ever feel complete and at ease about his daughter. He is only concerned with her future, I’m not sure if he realizes this, but the current time is when she needs him the most. The current time for her learning is to PLAY. I have invited him into play and he attempts to play, but will go directly to correcting her in repetition style, she tunes him out and ignores him.  He announces this is why she need school.

Is this a relationship that can grow? Will this Dad ever realize that he is missing opportunities to build a relationship with is daughter?

Does any of this resonate with you? Do you feel like you are watching, witnessing and waiting? Do you feel USELESS?

There are many ways to participate, so you NEVER feel like you are waiting on anything for your child. The waiting game is a way of giving your power away, and can lead to blaming someone or some process.

Here are 4 tips to use if you a parent who does not play naturally:

  1. Sit close with your child
  2. Ask an open ended question; “why did that happen?
  3. Keep your voice neutral
  4. Only listen to the answer

Happy relationship building!

Love,

Shane

sleeping mom

Since moving into a sublet situation, most of my “stuff” (furniture, clothing etc. is with me, some is in storage and some is in my homebase apartment)

I have been tested in so many areas in regards to what a “perfect” home looks and feels like. How important is my “stuff” to making me feel complete? As a Mom how much does being “perfect” take you away from being present with your family and children?

I have two bedrooms for the first time, one bed is smaller than my own. I was having a guest sleep over, and felt a tremendous YUCKY feeling about offering them a bed with mis matched sheets! I had to get over it and it wasn’t easy, I took time and journaled about it and took a 5 minute meditation to get settled and not be apologetic for offering a mis-matched sheet set to my guest! I didn’t want to have any shame or embarrassment around it.

Immediately I thought of all my clients, who describe their home as

  • Chaotic
  • A disaster
  • Looks like a bomb hit it
  • Always a mess
  • Gross
  • How do you describe your home? ____________

These descriptions keep the home from having

  • Playdates
  • Mom gatherings
  • Parent community dinners
  • Extended family from visiting

What your children learn from this:

  • Shame (messy or not, kids sense your feelings about your home)
  • Embarrassment (kids learn that their home must not “be enough”
  • Being social only happens outside the home
  • Being social may only cost money to be fun
  • Whats your take?

I invite you to turn on some awareness in your thoughts on

  1. How your cleaning impacts your child?
  2. How your lack of cleaning impacts your family?
  3. Can your child/family be aware of their own responsibilities and teamwork opportunities to support their environment?
  4. Are you being a total servant to the loved ones in your home?
  5. How much pressure do you put on yourself to be “perfect?”
  6. Where have certain beliefs originated from? Are these home beliefs helpful to your family?  Are they yours or have they been passed on from someone or somewhere else?
  7. If you could ask for help in home responsibilities? What would you ask for help with?

Thank you for reading!

Love,

Shane

 

 

Mothers…

Hold

Give

Receive

High energy

Low energy

All emotions

Lead

Love

Bring

Carry

Take

Watch

Speak

Cook

Buy

Work

Call

Drive

Walk

Attend

Worry

All of this is done through Love. A love that is unspeakable, unrequited, and unconditional. It all comes from that Core place called the heart. It is time to give to your heart, to only receive, and to breathe and purely be. You are a child too. You are loved and appreciated for all that you do even if you don’t hear it all of the time or enough. You are enough. You are perfect the way you are. You are perfect.

I have found this to be true as a child to an amazing giving mother. Not only is she a mom of two girls, but she is also a Hematologist, Oncologist. She is constantly giving and taking care of people who are very ill. When I was young, she would come home from a long day of work, and jump right into being there for us. We would sit as a family and eat dinner (when we could) and play and talk about our days. Then she always sat with me to work on my homework or art projects. Sometimes she would even stay up until 1 in the morning to help and still stay patient! She is a superwoman and I am forever grateful to her.

Even though I live across the country from her and am an adult, she is still as supportive, compassionate, and loving to me. I can’t imagine how hard it is to work two jobs and not have enough time for oneself. When I went to grad school for dance movement therapy, I didn’t know exactly what capacity I would practice it in. It wasn’t until I became a toddler head teacher that I realized both children and parents, (especially mothers) need time for themselves to relax, rewind, and express themselves. I found that one powerful way to do so is through the body. I am excited to provide mothers with easy tools that you can use throughout your day or when you go to bed to shake off what you don’t need, feel grounded in your feet, and bring your attention back to your breath which helps lower anxiety and brings your mind to the present moment. Simple tools that go a long way and don’t require anything but you and your body and a moment of silence. Of course, dancing it out to music always helps too! The more we care for ourselves and love ourselves, the more we can do for others!

https://www.facebook.com/movingmyheart

racheal anne body

It’s natural, one sees another person being on vacation, having their kids sitting and posing for a photo and BAM, another “one” sees this photo, while her kid is running around screaming and throwing anything she can get her hands on and BAM, jealousy, rage, bitterness, shame and then the biggest epidemic GUILT.

What to do? Of course turn Facebook off, but usually it doesn’t work that way, this is the moment to go deeper into jealousy, rage, bitterness, shame and then (sigh) guilt.

How can it stop? There is no point to this, we truly have no idea about this other persons real deal, maybe it is as it seems, or maybe not.  It’s an unhealthy addiction and like any other must be monitored or it can be really harmful.

What has been happening to the parents I work with, who are having this FB addiction comparison struggle? They are flipping out (unconsciously) on their kids. They are secretly holding grudges and anger that are leaking out on their kids. They are holding this “not doing enough” energy and their families are feeling it. It’s not good, and it’s affecting the parents self worth.

This has turned into a PSA: Limit the time and set an intention of what you are doing on Facebook. Your family needs you to be present to THEM.

I would love to hear your feedback on this, please comment below.

Jorli

Jorli

Before I even get started, I feel the need to preface this by mentioning how scary it is for me to “out” myself as a parent in so public a professional forum as LinkedIn. As a founder of a career consulting agency, I am well aware that the common advice for job-seekers is to remove all traces of motherhood from things like resumes or LinkedIn profiles, even when the experience might be relevant (like successfully managing a large parenting group or fundraising experience for a school).

I have personally experienced the mood of an interview go from hot to cold in an instant when I let slip that I had a kid. Sometimes after hours of interviewing, when the CEO of a company asks you what you like to do in your spare time, you want to answer honestly.

“I don’t see how it would work to have a 4-year old and work at a startup” was the curt reply to my disclosure of a child sandwiched between all of the other more acceptable weekend practices like yoga and hiking. In retrospect, I wish I had pointed out that my son was in daycare during the week, so I didn’t see why it was an issue. Instead I was dumbfounded into silence.  Another time, again at the final stage after multiple rounds of interviewing when I haphazardly showed my cards, I was asked why I “would even want to work when I had a 10-month old at home?” After each of those experiences, I went no further in the interview process. And so, I learned my lesson. (Worth mentioning: My husband recently accepted a new position, proudly talking about his family during the interviews with no apparent repercussions.)

The decision on whether to work outside the home after having kids is not an easy one for many. Actually, for many parents—due to financial constraints or otherwise—they don’t have the luxury of choice. For those of us that do have that choice to make, it can be a complex decision, not to mention a constantly moving target. Many times I have witnessed a decision that seemed so clear-cut before the baby is born, become no longer so black-and-white several months later. Or perhaps, the decision you make works at first, but a change in the position or in your child makes the original solution no longer work a few years down the road.

I love being a parent, and I love to work. Through trial and error, I have found that neither extreme of the full-time working or full-time “staying at home” spectrum works for me. When I was working a grueling corporate job, by the time Friday rolled around, I felt actual pain in my heart from so many cumulative hours being away from my son. I have also had periods when I wasn’t working, and I felt overwhelmingly isolated being a full-time parent. I found the lack of structure and professional interaction difficult.

Why does it seem like the options presented to 2-parent households are that either both parents work jobs consisting of too many hours (with most or all of one of the parent’s salary going to childcare), or that one works full-time, and the other not at all? It is 2015, and we cannot come up with a few more options? I know they are out there, but they are rare. I took at job with American Express a few years ago, ecstatic upon learning that many Directors and VPs worked four-day weeks for 80% pay. At last, a job where I could have a schedule that fit my life and still be considered for promotions. Unfortunately, when I inquired about joining the program myself, I was told that it had been discontinued except for the colleagues who were lucky enough to have been “grandfathered” in.

What is it about the 40 hour work week that we find so sacred? We accept as truth that a normal full-time job should be five days per week. As if every job out there can be accomplished on some kind equivalent time table, ignoring, for example, the technological advancements that have made so many industries more efficient over the last century.

One of the American Express executives who had participated in the aforementioned program for years confessed to me that she was convinced she could do any job just as well working four days a week instead of five. And although I am focusing here on the advantages for parents, generating additional work scenarios with less hours would certainly benefit people without children as well. There are many equally valid reasons one might choose to have a flexible schedule — to pursue outside passions, go back to school or to help take care of ailing parents being a few.

Right now I work for myself, commuting to the city one day a week to work out of a co-working space. Most days I can meet my oldest son when he gets off the bus, and I love that. There also have been, and continue to be, many struggles.

My hope is to find unique ways we can support each other, wherever we fall on the work/parenting continuum. I am so tired of articles pitting so called working and stay-at-home parents against each other, as if we are not all doing the best we possibly can with the resources we have available.  I have to believe that I am not alone in wanting to create some additional options for mothers and fathers that, like me, fall more into the gray area.

I am heartened by articles like this one, which describes creative solutions to combat the high price of child-care, and this story about how Google is actually saving money and retaining more of its female employees after increasing parental leave to five months This is a start, but we can all contribute to the momentum. If you run a business, or are in the position to create programs with increased flexibility, please start to experiment with them. Offer them to men and women, parents and non-parents alike. If you are an employee and would like to try out a new schedule, start by asking your manager if you could have one afternoon off a week and see if your productivity is affected. I did this and my manager was surprisingly supportive. But start now. Speak up, and see what happens.

http://www.sweetresumes.com

Linked in ;  Jorli Peña

Here is a card that chose me at the Wild Woman Festival. Worry is a common thread I see amongst Mothers and myself. It serves no actual purpose, and I share it with you all, I share PEACE.

Archangel Oracle ~ Divine Guidance

peace

Daily Angel Card: Eireen ~ Peace. *Eireen is a Greek goddess whose sisters include the Goddesses of Lawfulness ad Justice, Eireen  brings peacefulness to all who call upon her. The Romans referred to her as Pax, which means “peace”. Eireen helps us to replace worry with faith. she also reminds us to retain our childlike awe and enthusiasm for life.

*Eireen’s message is “There is no need to worry, as everything is working out beautifully.  Even though appearances may seem chaotic, I assure you that a highter plan is in action. This all-loving power is carrying and supporting you completely. Relax into the arms of the Divine love; and breathe away all cares, concerns and worries. Put your focus into enjoying and appreciating each blessing. Your gratitude helps you attract even more blessings into your life.”

*Various Meanings of Eireen: Give your cares and worries to Heaven, pray, meditate, engage in…

View original post 366 more words

Purposeful Parenting?
 I was recently told instead of saying “thats cool,” or “awesome,” to use the word PURPOSEFUL.

ex. I found this awesome apartment to move to change to I found this purposeful apartment to move to. 
WALA! 

When I said this, it changed the tone of my voice and made me think about this apartment in a whole new way.

The best way I like to describe Purposeful parenting is;
being mindful, while also seeking a specific result.

This course is for those parents that understand the point of power with your children is right now… 
purposeful parenting logo
There is nothing that you could have “done” that messed up your children 

forever, as long as you take initiative through action to work through it. 

You will get actual tools to use RIGHT AWAY! There will be no jargon, we’ll get real, and you’ll set up your Fall to have success in the most important areas: 

  1. How to have better, morning, mealtimes, and bedtimes
  2. How to play that “teaches” your child INTENTIONALLY
  3. Boosting your child self esteem
  4. Your child and his/her emotional states
  5. Practical self-care
  6. Your child and responsibility

I hope to “see” many of you there! You cannot lose! Imagine you didn’t have to turn to books, or commiserating with friends on whats NOT working. OR Imagine you can expand into being the BEST parent you can be… There is always more to learn…

Doesn’t happen easily does it? How much physical pressure do you need? What material do you use? What liquid works best? Are streaks visible in the morning? The evening? Natural light? candlelight? What about when guests come over? Do you leave the streaks and accept the smudges, fingerprints? Do you not turn certain lights on, keep one side of the drapes closed? Do you ask for help? Do you notice other mirrors in other homes that you visit?

car-wax-10-mirrorThis seems like an ongoing process. One with which I am in the middle of. I began this blog before I received a gift from a parent I work with. We are in a family coaching relationship, and she gave me a cloth specifically to clean mirrors THE BEST. She obviously had no idea of my mirror cleaning challenges, yet she showed up with this “random” gift. We never talk cleaning, we never talk about the mundane.

What I realized is that all conversations, and gifts, (and sometimes the conversations are are the gifts) have an option of being purposeful. This special cleaning rag is extremely purposeful and I am grateful.

This makes me open my mind to what is judged as “pointless” conversation. Do you hold certain topics of conversation  for specific people? Do you speak to your child in a way that serves them? Do you speak to children in a way that makes them wrong? Are you fighting to be right in conversations with friends?

My hope is after reading this blog, your take away is to find the purpose in the conversations that you have. To be aware with the words we share makes the sharing more powerful.

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