Jorli

Jorli

Before I even get started, I feel the need to preface this by mentioning how scary it is for me to “out” myself as a parent in so public a professional forum as LinkedIn. As a founder of a career consulting agency, I am well aware that the common advice for job-seekers is to remove all traces of motherhood from things like resumes or LinkedIn profiles, even when the experience might be relevant (like successfully managing a large parenting group or fundraising experience for a school).

I have personally experienced the mood of an interview go from hot to cold in an instant when I let slip that I had a kid. Sometimes after hours of interviewing, when the CEO of a company asks you what you like to do in your spare time, you want to answer honestly.

“I don’t see how it would work to have a 4-year old and work at a startup” was the curt reply to my disclosure of a child sandwiched between all of the other more acceptable weekend practices like yoga and hiking. In retrospect, I wish I had pointed out that my son was in daycare during the week, so I didn’t see why it was an issue. Instead I was dumbfounded into silence.  Another time, again at the final stage after multiple rounds of interviewing when I haphazardly showed my cards, I was asked why I “would even want to work when I had a 10-month old at home?” After each of those experiences, I went no further in the interview process. And so, I learned my lesson. (Worth mentioning: My husband recently accepted a new position, proudly talking about his family during the interviews with no apparent repercussions.)

The decision on whether to work outside the home after having kids is not an easy one for many. Actually, for many parents—due to financial constraints or otherwise—they don’t have the luxury of choice. For those of us that do have that choice to make, it can be a complex decision, not to mention a constantly moving target. Many times I have witnessed a decision that seemed so clear-cut before the baby is born, become no longer so black-and-white several months later. Or perhaps, the decision you make works at first, but a change in the position or in your child makes the original solution no longer work a few years down the road.

I love being a parent, and I love to work. Through trial and error, I have found that neither extreme of the full-time working or full-time “staying at home” spectrum works for me. When I was working a grueling corporate job, by the time Friday rolled around, I felt actual pain in my heart from so many cumulative hours being away from my son. I have also had periods when I wasn’t working, and I felt overwhelmingly isolated being a full-time parent. I found the lack of structure and professional interaction difficult.

Why does it seem like the options presented to 2-parent households are that either both parents work jobs consisting of too many hours (with most or all of one of the parent’s salary going to childcare), or that one works full-time, and the other not at all? It is 2015, and we cannot come up with a few more options? I know they are out there, but they are rare. I took at job with American Express a few years ago, ecstatic upon learning that many Directors and VPs worked four-day weeks for 80% pay. At last, a job where I could have a schedule that fit my life and still be considered for promotions. Unfortunately, when I inquired about joining the program myself, I was told that it had been discontinued except for the colleagues who were lucky enough to have been “grandfathered” in.

What is it about the 40 hour work week that we find so sacred? We accept as truth that a normal full-time job should be five days per week. As if every job out there can be accomplished on some kind equivalent time table, ignoring, for example, the technological advancements that have made so many industries more efficient over the last century.

One of the American Express executives who had participated in the aforementioned program for years confessed to me that she was convinced she could do any job just as well working four days a week instead of five. And although I am focusing here on the advantages for parents, generating additional work scenarios with less hours would certainly benefit people without children as well. There are many equally valid reasons one might choose to have a flexible schedule — to pursue outside passions, go back to school or to help take care of ailing parents being a few.

Right now I work for myself, commuting to the city one day a week to work out of a co-working space. Most days I can meet my oldest son when he gets off the bus, and I love that. There also have been, and continue to be, many struggles.

My hope is to find unique ways we can support each other, wherever we fall on the work/parenting continuum. I am so tired of articles pitting so called working and stay-at-home parents against each other, as if we are not all doing the best we possibly can with the resources we have available.  I have to believe that I am not alone in wanting to create some additional options for mothers and fathers that, like me, fall more into the gray area.

I am heartened by articles like this one, which describes creative solutions to combat the high price of child-care, and this story about how Google is actually saving money and retaining more of its female employees after increasing parental leave to five months This is a start, but we can all contribute to the momentum. If you run a business, or are in the position to create programs with increased flexibility, please start to experiment with them. Offer them to men and women, parents and non-parents alike. If you are an employee and would like to try out a new schedule, start by asking your manager if you could have one afternoon off a week and see if your productivity is affected. I did this and my manager was surprisingly supportive. But start now. Speak up, and see what happens.

http://www.sweetresumes.com

Linked in ;  Jorli Peña

Your Beautiful Child LLC:

Here is a card that chose me at the Wild Woman Festival. Worry is a common thread I see amongst Mothers and myself. It serves no actual purpose, and I share it with you all, I share PEACE.

Originally posted on Archangel Oracle ~ Divine Guidance:

peace

Daily Angel Card: Eireen ~ Peace. *Eireen is a Greek goddess whose sisters include the Goddesses of Lawfulness ad Justice, Eireen  brings peacefulness to all who call upon her. The Romans referred to her as Pax, which means “peace”. Eireen helps us to replace worry with faith. she also reminds us to retain our childlike awe and enthusiasm for life.

*Eireen’s message is “There is no need to worry, as everything is working out beautifully.  Even though appearances may seem chaotic, I assure you that a highter plan is in action. This all-loving power is carrying and supporting you completely. Relax into the arms of the Divine love; and breathe away all cares, concerns and worries. Put your focus into enjoying and appreciating each blessing. Your gratitude helps you attract even more blessings into your life.”

*Various Meanings of Eireen: Give your cares and worries to Heaven, pray, meditate, engage in…

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Purposeful Parenting?
 I was recently told instead of saying “thats cool,” or “awesome,” to use the word PURPOSEFUL.

ex. I found this awesome apartment to move to change to I found this purposeful apartment to move to. 
WALA! 

When I said this, it changed the tone of my voice and made me think about this apartment in a whole new way.

The best way I like to describe Purposeful parenting is;
being mindful, while also seeking a specific result.

This course is for those parents that understand the point of power with your children is right now… 
purposeful parenting logo
There is nothing that you could have “done” that messed up your children 

forever, as long as you take initiative through action to work through it. 

You will get actual tools to use RIGHT AWAY! There will be no jargon, we’ll get real, and you’ll set up your Fall to have success in the most important areas: 

  1. How to have better, morning, mealtimes, and bedtimes
  2. How to play that “teaches” your child INTENTIONALLY
  3. Boosting your child self esteem
  4. Your child and his/her emotional states
  5. Practical self-care
  6. Your child and responsibility

I hope to “see” many of you there! You cannot lose! Imagine you didn’t have to turn to books, or commiserating with friends on whats NOT working. OR Imagine you can expand into being the BEST parent you can be… There is always more to learn…

Doesn’t happen easily does it? How much physical pressure do you need? What material do you use? What liquid works best? Are streaks visible in the morning? The evening? Natural light? candlelight? What about when guests come over? Do you leave the streaks and accept the smudges, fingerprints? Do you not turn certain lights on, keep one side of the drapes closed? Do you ask for help? Do you notice other mirrors in other homes that you visit?

car-wax-10-mirrorThis seems like an ongoing process. One with which I am in the middle of. I began this blog before I received a gift from a parent I work with. We are in a family coaching relationship, and she gave me a cloth specifically to clean mirrors THE BEST. She obviously had no idea of my mirror cleaning challenges, yet she showed up with this “random” gift. We never talk cleaning, we never talk about the mundane.

What I realized is that all conversations, and gifts, (and sometimes the conversations are are the gifts) have an option of being purposeful. This special cleaning rag is extremely purposeful and I am grateful.

This makes me open my mind to what is judged as “pointless” conversation. Do you hold certain topics of conversation  for specific people? Do you speak to your child in a way that serves them? Do you speak to children in a way that makes them wrong? Are you fighting to be right in conversations with friends?

My hope is after reading this blog, your take away is to find the purpose in the conversations that you have. To be aware with the words we share makes the sharing more powerful.

Do you often feel like you pick up other people’s energies easily, even to the point that you can’t tell if it’s yours or theirs?
Do you get intuitive feelings or a sense of things and when you disregard them you think,” oh boy! I should’ve listened!”
You are not alone in your intuitive sensitivity, my beautiful friends.
We are in the midst of great change. Each and every one of us. Personal, private, deep, outspoken, euphoric freedom-seeking change. Global, public, positively world shaking and consciousness shifting change.
 
We know there is more to life than what we have been told. There’s an internal pull that wants to explore possibilities.
 
True success is self-defined and the confidence and courage to pursue our own path comes from trusting our vision, our passion and our intuition.
 
Here are 5 ways you can start tapping into and leveraging your intuition.
 
1. We Are All INTUITIVE: We Are Wired To Receive/Transmit Invisible Information
We are made of energy and connected to everything and everyone through energy. We are constantly interacting with visible and invisible energetic information. 
 
in·tu·i·tion ˌint(y)o͞oˈiSHən/
noun
1. the ability to understand something immediately, without the need for conscious reasoning.
Intuition is also described as “knowing without knowing how you know.” Gut feelings. Voices. Inner knowing. The chills and the shivers when something is “off” and when something is just right!
We are, as human beings, wired to receive and transmit! Allow yourself to receive!
 
2. Expand Your Mindset: The More You ALLOW the More Your Intuition Grows
A core belief in the consciousness movement is: “ As you believe, you perceive and achieve/receive.”
 
So it follows with intuition. The more you are open to your intuition, the more it shows up for you.
Now that you know we are all wired to receive/transmit information we can stop discounting the weird feeling that you get when something feels off.
 
Notice as you go about your day if thoughts, feelings or guidance comes up, if your rational mind steps in with reasons why you are wrong, affirm to yourself,” I allow myself to receive and explore internal guidance. I allow.”
3. Hone The Intuition Habit: Learn To Go Within
 
Taking time to get quiet, release worries/thoughts and lists, connect to your breath and allow is key! You can do this in the morning to begin your day, throughout the day or to end your day. Commit to this practice daily.
4. Manage your Energy: All intuition and creative expression flows through YOU; your body, mind and spirit is your vehicle. 
 
When you are not creating boundaries with the needs of others overriding ours, when we over schedule, under exercise, overeat and under sleep…we are creating a recipe for an energetic imbalance that muddles your clarity and your ability to apply what you know.
 
As an intuitive being, your first responsibility is to feel good. Not in a selfish way rather a self FULL way where you are managing your energies so you can show up for life to the best of your ability.
 
A great check in is: “How can I better support my overall well-being today?” Then take action!
 
Your action steps: cultivate your inner knowing and your intuition!
•                Conduct an inquiry: How connected do you feel to your intuition?  Because no matter how connected you are to it, you are an intuitive being!
•                Listen to yourself. Allow yourself to go inward.  Journal, meditate–turn off the tv, the computer, and allow yourself to receive your own wisdom. Make this part of self-care, it will allow you to get clear!
•                Allow your intuition to guide a decision you’re making or something you’re considering.
We will discover more about your Intuitive sensitivity this Sunday at the Say Of Joy event!
For a complimentary ebook: 11 Tips to Set Your Intuition Free! and an mp3 meditation to Discover Your Own Intuitive Style please go to The Urban Priestess, Vanessa Codorniu
 Vanessa Codorniu is a spotlight expert at A Day of Joy June 2015 NYC
vanessa logovanessa face

We brought my first son home from the hospital on Christmas Day. After the flood of family and friends departed, we were finally left alone with our tiny infant. I remember thinking to myself “OK, now what!?”

 As a professional coach who sometimes works with dads, I once conducted a survey where I asked, “What training did you receive to be a father?”

 One dad shot back, “You’re kidding, right?”

 I wasn’t kidding. The sad truth is that you get more training to drive a car than to have a child.

The kind of father you become can be heavily influenced by notions you don’t even know you have the day your child is born. For better or worse, it’s impossible to enter life as a parent unaffected by the framework and culture of your upbringing. That’s your starting point.

 I myself was exposed as a young boy to many different models of fatherhood from various sources on TV, at the movies, in my family, and around the neighborhood:

• the quiet, aloof dad who comes home from work and is left alone to sit in his chair (hey, he worked hard all day) while mom cooks dinner

• the docile dad who leaves all the big decisions to his wife,  “the boss”

• the all-powerful patriarch who rules the roost without opposition

• and the Great Santini-style marine sergeant who is always ready to knock some sense into his young charge. 

I also grew up in a time where fathers were expected to be breadwinners, not nurturers. So I figured I was in charge of making the money for the family, taking care of discipline, and academics.

It’s not as if my wife and I discussed any of this. They were just assumptions I made without realizing it. I think it’s safe to say I inherited these roles from my own father, like an automatic download.  

But I knew I wanted more. Most dads do.

I wanted always to be able to talk to my children, to maintain an active and open channel of communication. I wanted them to know I could see what they were doing and who they were becoming. I wanted them to know that, in good or difficult times, we would always be able to talk.

I also wanted my children to know and feel, without any doubt, that I loved them unconditionally — that no matter who they became, what they did, where they went … that I just loved them. I wanted this love to give them the freedom to be whoever they wanted to be.

Though I am far from perfect, I have worked at being present in this way to my two sons. And this has been the greatest joy of my life.

I don’t mean to suggest that everything has gone just swimmingly. Hardly. My wife and I have experienced many of the great moments that parents dream about, but also some of the moments you pray will never happen.

So here’s my bottom line about being a father. It’s easy when the report card is aces, when health is good, when the kitchen is full of laughter. But your finest hour doesn’t come until the going gets tough. And it inevitably does.

It is in the most challenging circumstances that you get to see what kind of father you really are. If you haven’t taken the time to consider this, you may too easily default to some automatic setting. And that’s probably not who you really want to be for your children, nor who they need you to be.

Recently, for completely different reasons, I chose to have a difficult and uncomfortable conversation with each of my two sons. Both times I was nervous. Both times I was able to be vulnerable, as they say. I’m not ashamed to say there were tears. And both conversations ended with an embrace.

It’s been 21 years since the doctor gently placed that tiny boy in my hands and here’s what I’ve learned: In the end, the key to being a father is to see your children — to see them so clearly that they can feel it! Because this is how your children will know that you are standing with them — not just one part of who they are but all of who they are.

And when in doubt, go with your heart, not your head.

Father and his little son fishing together from wooden jetty

Father and his little son fishing together from wooden jetty

A Day of Joy

Who is the number one person that deserves a day of joy?

Mothers. A Day of Joy is an all day event with 4 workshops, lunch, and goody bags. Mothers get to spend a day playing! Dancing! Creating art! And most of all Relaxing. No talk of children, or schedules or what’s for dinner. This day is for Moms to recharge their fuel tanks…

The inspiration for this event came from trading stories with a colleague. While discussing funny things the children we work with do, we got on the topic of Mothers who don’t get to experience the fun. POOF! A DAY OF JOY!

Joy is what rules children. At the core of their existence, children have the capacity to experience joy every single day. As children get older and eventually become adults, they/we can lose our connection to joy, because of responsibilities, fear, judgment, self doubt, guilt, worry, shame etc.

Children experience joy naturally and spontaneously. It can be seen with a sudden skip down the street, a burst of laughter, or seeing a balloon. It’s physiologically healthy to be expressive and clear on what is felt and desired. Adults do not have the space or courage to let all this energy and emotion out, plus the police might be called or we could end up on the front of the local newspaper or for shame: on social media looking crazy.

Mothers’ are overwhelmed. I see the depletion of energy, lack of zest, and low emotional, spiritual, and physical states in Mothers, this is not the most worthy place to parent from, and children are directly impacted by this.

A Day of Joy is a day for Mothers to play and to tune in to their inner and outer Self. There are no expectations other than to show up on time, creating a sacred space. An important agreement we make at the start: “give no advice.”

Mothers attending A Day of Joy experience mind body connections that last in their lives beyond this one day.

I have witnessed women having soul connections, with no words spoken. Spontaneous laughing, hugging and dancing erupt. I have also witnessed Mothers eating lunch alone by choice, and really enjoying not being a caretaker for anyone else, free from any obligations and worries, even if just in the moment.

Mom’s reflect back on the day with peace of mind and disbelief on how good it feels to be free in their bodies and minds.

I know awareness reaches heightened states by having these experiences and opportunities. When some sadness, guilt, worry, bitterness, shame and sorrow get expressed, then real JOY has a place to expand. This kind of joy is the kind that makes life peaceful, makes the skin glow, brings blood pressure down, reduces anxiety and stress, and brings in hope and possibility. This kind of joy elicits the fact that no one is alone in parenting struggles. In place of stress and anxiety are thoughts of humanity, love, trust, compassion, and joy.

Bio: Shane Kulman, MS SpEd is the founder of Your Beautiful Child LLC, private practice. She offers workshops nationwide, as well as local women’s groups. For more information on Shane go to http://www.yourbeautifulchild.comjoy

Your Beautiful Child LLC:

Moms: Everything you may need to be a proud NYC MAMA

Originally posted on Red Tricycle:

Being a new mama is exciting, but it can be overwhelming, too, especially here in NYC. But have no fear, new parents; help is here. From the best spot to see a movie or enjoy a beer with baby in tow, to the must-visit playspaces and smart ways to find a sitter, Red Tricycle can help you navigate new motherhood with ease. Take the below advice as you embark on the important task of raising a savvy city baby.

songs-for-seeds

1. Need to get out of your apartment already? With two Manhattan locations, apple seeds is an-all-in-one playspace that offers cute classes for kids of all ages, starting with newborns. Try Developmental Movement or Songs for Seeds. Your baby can have fun and you can talk to another human (adult). This play space also operates an adorable children’s book and toy store called half dozen if you’re in the market for…

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I invite you to read this with an open heart and an open mind. It’s clear and beautiful…

The Beautiful Truth.

 

http://temitayo.blogspot.com/2015/04/whats-wrong-with-school-sytem-by-brenda.html blog from The Joys of Motherhood

As a retired New York City educator, every once in a while someone will ask me what is my perception of the failings of the New York City school system. Well,I believe it’s a number of things.

First of all, when people ask what’s wrong with the school system,they often are really asking why are the inner-city kids not progressing as they should and displaying such hostile behavior.Why are these students so out of touch with education, they wonder.But what they really mean is, what’s wrong with the African-American, African Caribbean and Latino students who comprise the majority of the inner-city schools.

Having been an African-American student myself and then becoming a teacher, I say let’s look at the history that is so very much a part of us and how that history reflects what it means for black and brown people today transitioning from being considered subhuman to enslavement, to Jim crow/segregation,lynchings and poverty.Let’s look at the subliminal messages that black and brown students receive and that are translated into “you”are not good enough through the media. And what about the scantily taught and often down right omission of black,latino and Caribbean history and literature.

Let’s look at the recent and continuous rash of black and brown people,especially,males who are being incarcerated,killed and brutalized by the judicial system under the guise of fear and protection.

Although I do not believe in allowing  students to succumb to their disadvantages and disappointments even under such objectionable circumstances,I do understand that these are some of the reasons that we bare witness to a failing school system.

Failing schools are simply a symptom of some of the failures in our society.
And until we honestly and collectively work to annihilate them ,we will always be scratching our heads and asking the same questions.

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