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I see parents using SERIOUS, as a way to discipline and I see frustration, anger, pain and no results.  Not everyone feels their silly side, I get that, but if silly or lighter, let’s say, were a more efficient and successful way to reach your child, and could get them to listen could you learn? Would you be willing to lighten up?

Being silly and playful is a tool in disciplining. Your children are in school for enough hours a week, in between playtime, (if they still have it) there are huge expectations on them, constantly. Stand up, sit down, get on line, take this book out, sit there, time to do this, time to do that, make a choice, share, do this… etc.

It’s important to remember this and schedule in some surrendered Mommy time, where you are not giving directions or asking questions, a time where you are letting your child play and explore.

I have tried many times to explain, model, and show parents how to do this. What I have come to find is, unless a parent has official playtime in his or her own lives, surrendered parenting is nearly impossible.

What I am suggesting is for you to have your own time where there are no rules and no judgment, and you get to let completely lose and lose yourself in the moment. This is a practice, as long as you get through the first 5 minutes of judgment and self-critical time, you have made it! This will help you understand and relate to your child, who knows how to surrender to the moment like an expert!

Here are some ideas if nothing comes up:

  • Lay on the floor and roll and stretch
  • Put on a cape and twirl to your favorite music
  • Sing a song with all the completely wrong words
  • Shake your whole body for 3-5 minutes without stopping

I would LOVE to know how you find time to surrender to the moment! Please share!

Love,

Shane

Tune in to the thoughts of H&B learning…

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Trust me, its a lot easier than you think. More importantly, its often better to reassess a situation rather than endure the consequences of the mental “check-out.” But what is it about a circumstance, or about us, that makes us give up? After making my own mistakes in that area, as well as observing others, the answer is crystal clear: we mentally check-out when we no longer feel successful at something. Not the earth shattering answer you were looking for, right? But think about it. Not much unlike reopening the refrigerator expecting food to magically appear, we are often guilty of the same type of inertia in our daily lives. And instead of going food shopping, we would rather look at an empty fridge in hope that the matter simply resolved itself. Or we take a nap- the ultimate check out! So, if you’re in a position where checking back…

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“Optimize Your Child’s Mind, Body and Soul” by Nishma Shah – A Book Review

Disclaimer: The opinions presented in this book review are 100% my own.  My perspective may differ from yours, so please take the time to read the book and create your own opinions before acting upon mine.  And as always, please consult a doctor before acting upon a new health regimen.  Thanks for reading!

nishmaI am such a bookworm.  I always have been and always will be.  When I find a really good book that interests me, I can never put it down until I have at least come to a sort-of stopping point…but even then, I still read a few more pages.  And before you know it, I have read the ENTIRE book in one or two sittings.

Obviously that changes with children, but I still find time to squeeze in a few chapters (at least).

When I first connected with Nishma Shah I knew we would and do have a lot in common – including our outlook on feeding our children and nurturing their minds and bodies (as well as their souls!).  Nishma is a light within this world.  Just talking with her is delightful and enlightening.  Through her experiences with raising children and discovering ways to navigate illnesses through nutrition is beyond amazing.  I highly recommend contacting her, getting to know her and inquiring about her services to mothers and families.  (You can do that by visiting her website HERE).

What you will find is this:

Nishma is a health coach – through her coaching, she helps mothers discover underlying problems associated with nutrition and diet that could and can help overcome childhood (and adulthood) illnesses.  Nishma has an innate way of helping parents dig deep into negative habits, eating patterns and health issues – overcoming those and allowing mothers and their families to live a prosperous, healthy and happy life.

Nishma GETS IT! – What do I mean by this?  Not only is she educated in nutrition, health and wellness and has written publications for various high-level organizations, but she has also lived with a child who experienced illness at a very young age.  Nishma’s son was diagnosed at a very young age with liver disease.  For many years, Nishma researched and researched ways to help her son find comfort and healing.  What helped her son the most was implementing a healthy and tailored nutritional diet as well as mediation and yoga.

Isn’t that awesome?  So Nishma gets it – she has lived it, researched it and become educated in what she does!  And she so passionately pours herself into those she is in contact with.

Through this, Nishma wrote a book, “Optimize Your Child’s Mind, Body and Soul“.  She sent her book to me to read and I cannot even begin to tell you how eye-opening  it was to apply Nishma’s words and knowledge into my families everyday life.  It has already changed the way we eat and the way that we approach nutrition on a more healing level.

“Optimize Your Child’s Mind, Body and Soul”

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This book guides the reader through the following topics:

– Increases the reader’s understanding of how different food groups influence their child’s mind, body and soul.

– Shows the reader how simple changes in gut health can strengthen the immune system and optimize brain power. (and I can be a testament to this!)

– Introduces yoga and meditation to your child to help them keep calm and centered. (This was probably my favorite part)

– And introduces the reader to healthy and delicious recipes that every member of the family will LOVE!

As I read through, I made several notes that I would like to share with you; things that I felt were either interesting, relevant or really spoke to me:

1. Breaking Down Food Groups and Their Effects on the Body

I always knew that fast food was bad for me.  I also always knew that high fructose corn syrup (HFCS) was not healthy.  But I did not know WHY.  Nishma clears all questions in her book by breaking down the food groups and explaining WHY certain carbohydrates are not processed similar to others.  She also explains why HFCS does not serve the body, what happens when we take it in through our food and how our body reacts to this foreign “food”.

Probably my favorite chapter within the food group section was that of the vitamins and minerals.  Did you know that there is a difference in “fat soluble” and “water soluble” vitamins?  And in order for your body to process these vitamins correctly, we must eat a variety of foods to aid our body in absorbing these vitamins.  But these foods must be the RIGHT foods!  Nishma walks the reader through this process in an easy to understand way.

In addition, at the end of each food group chapter, Nishma offers a summary of that particular discussion making it easy for the reader to understand the high-level points (this was especially helpful as I was taking notes).

2. Nishma Helps You Understand what a HEALTHY Body Looks and Performs Like

opthealthBefore now I never really considered the way I chewed my food, let alone why my pee was yellow (rather than clear) or why I was having a regular upset stomach after eating.  Then, after reading, I understood a little bit more why my brain was not performing at it’s best and how to protect my body from “bad bacteria” and improve mine as well as my children’s immune systems through a healthy gut (This stuff is just too good).

The next chapter walks the reader through the digestive process, how an optimized brain should and does work as well as how to improve the immunity of your body through cleaning up the gut.  Break through the need for antibiotics by a few simple changes, such as implementing a regular clean probiotic into your daily life – this, as well as other simple changes are mentioned in “Optimize Your Child’s Mind, Body and Soul“.

3. Take Baby Steps

One of the big take aways from reading was that instilling a healthier nutritional based lifestyle for your family does not have to happen over night.  Take baby steps.  For example, if you are hoping to eliminate sweets from your child’s diet, slowly begin implementing more sweet fruits that the love and less sweet processed foods and eventually you will find your child asking for fruit!

It takes time, the cold-turkey technique does NOT work.  Take it from me – I had attempted to give my children ONLY water throughout the day when they were so used to having juice bottles.  I feared that their teeth would rot out of their heads.  It did not work.  They were crying, screaming, and everyone was miserable.  So I started giving a juice bottle in the morning, followed by only water in a cup.  Once they drank the water, a juice bottle was the reward.  And ever so slowly we are weening the kids off of only drinking juice.

Baby steps, mamas!  Baby steps!

4. YOGA!!!!!!!!!

You know I’m all over this.  Nishma introduces yoga to the reader for both adults, but most importantly, for children.  Did you know that yoga enhances a child’s concentration?  Increase flexibility and balance? And boosts immunity?  Yoga is an amazing addition to a healthy lifestyle (take it from me, I love me some yoga).

Poses, along with detailed descriptions are included as well as a chapter solely dedicated to teaching your children how to meditate!

5. Yummy Recipes

I’m terrible at cooking home-cooked meals.  I’m getting better at this.  At the end of Nishma’s book, you will find some of the most delicious recipes that are all meant to compliment the nutritional advice and comments throughout the entire book.  From breakfast pancakes to stovetop popcorn, these healthy recipes are sure to boost the health within your family one bite at a time!

I truly enjoyed this book, if you could not tell from my comments above.  I feel more connected to the nutrition and health of my family than ever before.  We are slowly transitioning to healthier options and eliminating the habits that we have fallen into (“for convenience”).  But I would MUCH rather my children be healthy than sick based solely on what I am feeding them – that really hits home.

If you would like to purchase your very own “Optimize Your Child’s Mind, Body and Soul” by Nishma Shah, please visit her website HERE and grab your copy today.  You will NOT be disappointed.

Also!

Be on the lookout for an upcoming webinar with Nishma and Get Out Mama!  We will be offering a 6-week webinar geared towards similar topics expressed in her book.  I cannot wait!

 

Over the last seventeen years of Motherhood I’ve seen many different variations of energy. From the moment I knew I was to be a Mother, I could sense the magical whirling inside my womb, that the galaxies were gathering and expanding to create this unique star inside of me. And just as the sun is sure to dawn, babies are sure to make their way earthside. The energy that surrounds this moment in time, the waves of labor, a distinct force of nature, one that is meant for our experience alone. As the baby crowns, the sun has broken the horizon….the ring of fire; energy.

Then there is love. Love, an energy so multi-faceted, so extraordinary in its design, its execution, its availability. Love is one of those things, like breathing, where we don’t even have to think about it. It just is. We love. This energy that wraps itself around how we nurture, nourish, encourage, behave, worry, let go, trust, remind, start over, forgive; this energy is the foundation of our motherhood journey, it is the topic and the title. It is paramount to everything. Like the sun giving us warmth and nourishment to grow, this is our love as a Mother. Our Love is the Sun to those we care for.

The minute our feet hit the ground in the morning, it is the pulse of our desire to care for and create a life that keeps us going. We have breakfast to make, diapers to change, lunches to pack, school bags to get ready, teeth to brush (probably not our own), kids to get dressed, hairs to brush (ours just gets thrown into a ponytail or bun), and kisses to plant before heading out the door, or watching as everyone else heads out the door. That explosion of life first thing in the morning can leave us feeling like we’ve just experienced a tornado. Everything is compartmentalized and narrowed into such a small, finite, moment in time with an ever expanding, forward momentum; the living outward, the intention, however subconscious, to be and experience, to learn and to work, this life energy that has created the human experience.

It is the constant flow of the living river of love that keeps me on my path. There is a mantra that I keep close to my heart “as within, so without”. I had heard this many years ago and it never resonated with me until now, as I feel my world falling apart. It has been several months that I haven’t been able to get my act together. I’ve been in a consistent face plant, falling flat on my face at every turn. Giving up, surrendering, definitely not in it to win it. Not only is my world inside falling apart, but so is what I look at every day, my life outside my body: my home, my children’s happiness, my relationship with my husband. Everything I see has been plagued by disharmony. It never once dawned on me that this disharmony had anything to do with how I feel inside, I just assumed everyone else was having a hard time too. It wasn’t until one night this week when I came to be brutally honest with myself in seeing how far down I’d let myself go. I’m merely in survival mode, my relationships are all very superficial, I spend far too much time in the past or the future. Where had my present gone? Why is it so painful to live in the now? What I know for sure is everything is as it is because I forgot about love. I instead, have unconsciously chosen to live in the energy of fear.  As within, so without, my falling apart inside is a direct correlation to the world outside my body falling apart. The energy I’ve given to feed the beast of fear living within me has oozed out and slowly poisoned the living life of me, my family, and my home. The secret is out, and because it is, the momentum to facilitate change will occur. The tides have come in and now they will recede, they will take with it all the pain and suffering, the stagnant water will be pulled away, the tides will churn and breathe life back into this holy work that I have given a vow to. The energy that we feed is the energy we create.

This is not a burden, this is part of the human condition. Leaning into our whole selves is how we continue to grow, to dig deeper, to direct our roots around the rocks into more fertile soil. What an awakening and beautiful realization that I can shift something, that the way this life feels currently will not feel like this much longer. What sweet relief to acknowledge and allow that recognition and honor the darkness while continually stretching my branches to find sunlight again. This has been my own Spiritual barren time, my own personal winter, where all my vitality has fallen to the ground, leaving me naked and vulnerable.  The magic of it all is the hidden energy beneath the surface. My body and Spirit, however wilted and appearing as though there was hardly a heartbeat, is in fact alive. What lies underneath the surface is a panoply of energetic wisdom, a collection of the heart’s essence and the Spirit’s breath. There is a slow ascension to the surface where the temperature begins to rise and the silent partnership of intention and manifestation will blossom. At the heart of this partnership is love.

I’m settling into the last little while of my Spirit’s murmuring below the surface. I am feeling the outward pull, the soft glow of a new dawn. I can sense that my Spirit is coming alive once again, full of secrets and ready to burst. As within, so without….this is the energy of love, allowing us grace for what’s within so that love can shine without. Love smoothes out the rough spots, it is the crack that allows the light to get in. Love breaks up the hard-pack of the mundane and revitalizes the foundation of our daily life. If we can soften our gaze as we look at ourselves in the mirror and see the beauty of the Soul staring back at us, if we can honor the life that has unfurled from our willingness to dedicate this time on earth for holding space for our children and partner, if we can hold ceremony in our hearts and give precious thanks for this gift of our time, here and now, than we know love. Not only or our families, but for ourselves, because it is the love that we give to ourselves to fill our own vessel that will allow us to then fill up the cups of our dear ones, truly and zealously. Love looks a lot like Grace. Go ahead and give yourself daily and hearty doses of Grace and you will begin to see that you can love yourself just as fully as you hope to love those in your midst.

It is the energy of love that supplies all that we need to keep refreshed, it is our living stream that our wandering Spirits chase after. Love is where we are able to find a settled rest. And even as we watch parts of us come and go, as we remember to feed love instead of fear, our Spirits will begin to alightin the truth that they are no more a stranger or a guest, but like a child at home. Life will look very different now, a love within is a love without and so it goes….

Written By Marcy Coalter (@wildsoul_mama)

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• The last paragraph was written, and half way though I realized I was acknowledging my favorite hymn My Shepherd will Supply my Need by Isaac Watts.

• Photos taken by my friend, the beautiful Linda Moshier at her dreamy home on Lake Oscawana.

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In our social media culture, I see many parents apologizing before sharing a bragg about   their child. I see many parents having no problem “showing off” their child in a cool outfit or a vacation spot. Why when it’s something about a child’s accomplishment is there a need for qualifying statements?   Where does this apologetic-ness come from? Why are parents apologizing for their pride? Why is it easier to say “my kid is a pain in the butt?”

Active challenge: Brag about your child! Right here in the comments! Let’s see what your kid is up to!

WOW. I love that we think alike;) I will not use this title again… AND I honor your work tremendously. Thank you…

confident parents confident kids

We want to learn more from you about your parenting.

The following survey will only take a few minutes. It asks some simple questions about how you parent and how that might be similar or different from the way you were raised by your parents. Please help us advance our understanding about this critical area.

Click here to answer a couple of questions and help us learn from you!

Roger Weissberg PortraitThis survey is one initiative in a partnership between Confident Parents, Confident Kids’ Author Jennifer Miller and Roger Weissberg, Chief Learning Officer of the Collaborative for Academic, Social and Shannon illustration 001Emotional Learning (CASEL) at the University of Illinois at Chicago and Shannon Wanless, Assistant Professor of Applied Developmental Psychology at the University of Pittsburgh to learn more about parenting practices Illustration of Jennifer Millerand social and emotional learning.

For more information from our partnership:

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Everyone needs help. Yes I said everyone. Do you get stuck cleaning when your child is really needing you? Do you avoid confrontation with your partner and instead make sure the kitchen is perfect? What is this about? Why do so many women take energy out and avoid what’s really going on with cleaning?

I’ve heard and seen this enough times to really ask? What’s with the obsession of cleaning? To be clear, I am not suggesting to have a dirty mess. But what is under the concept of going to bed with an immaculate home? Especially when it will be a mess again the next day. SO this blog is about cleaning, but really my question is – when does cleaning become an activity that helps you to stay numb, or to not actually deal with where attention is really needed.

It’s amazing when I work with a Mom who says, “I know I avoid disciplining, by cleaning, but I just can’t stop, it’s what my Mother did with me.” It beautiful when we can see our own self-serving patterns. If they are patterns that don’t really work, after the awareness and ownership of the pattern, the next step would be to take an action and do something that is REALLY uncomfortable. Perhaps leave the dishes in the sink OR get a cleaning service once or twice a month!

powoh7n0g01k4qq    So let’s think once that is taken care of, and only maintenance has to happen, the next problem that may arise is, dealing with the issues that you were avoiding with the cleaning.

What were you avoiding? Some parents avoid; communication, children’s responsibilities, a partner that is not being responsible, or it may actually be an unwinding period (which would be amazing) and easy to replace something that feeds your soul instead.

Does anyone relate to this? I would love to hear your comments on why you clean to perfection or why you never get your house cleaned to perfection. Not only would I love to hear, but many other parents would love to feel comforted that they are not alone.

All comments welcome,

Love,

Shane

The eve before the New Year! Years of making wishes, resolutions, setting intentions and moving on. It’s Universal and it feels good to be part of the WORLD as a whole. Even if you no longer do any of the above, you are making that choice and that is something we are all (as in humanity) doing.

The holidays can trigger A LOT of stuff. I see it as a segregated way to celebrate and connect to joy. What are you? What do you celebrate? Why don’t you have a tree? Do you have a real tree? You get it. ALL of it can initiate judgement, or feelings being hurt.

New Years is for everyone. That feels good.

Today I went for a walk on the beach and found these two items. I found them after I washed my hands and boots in the water, symbolizing washing away anything from 2015 that didn’t and doesn’t serve me.

The large spiral shell, (the name/type I don’t know) symbolized BIG things to come. The coconut?!? Well I know it comes from far away places, and it was brought directly to me in my path, it feels very meaningful, but I’m still processing.

My new year will look like a lot of intentions GIVING in my business, and a lot of collaborations in business as well. For me personally, self-reverence.

My first gift to give in the New Year, is a Family mapping session/planning class. I am inviting you to this free class, so you can actually have a family that is easy to be in, and full of deep connections and love and truth, where no one is made to be wrong or right, good or bad. Show up to this online class and actually get to envision what this next year will be like for your family! It CAN be ideal. January 11th, 2016. This date is also the NEW MOON. THE perfet time to create what you want. Register here.

Here are some details:  1/11/15 8:30pm EST
I invite parents into this free video class for several reasons:
*For you to lay out goals for your family and yourself this new year
*For you to get a sample of what it would be like to work with me
*For me to give, I get joy from supporting parents
*I want you to know you CAN have peace in your home and in your mind

There will be:
A guided meditation, journaling and schetching out a map. You’ll need paper or a notebook, color pens or pencils, an hour of dedicated time.

This video class is you showing up open and curious. We will explore all the goals and intentions together, you will answer questions privately and place them on paper to create a map of what you want, and how you want your family to be in 2016.

Who is this class for?
*Parents of any age
*Parents who are struggling
*Parents who want more joy for their family
*Parents who feel out of control
*Parents who want more pleasure in parenting
*Parents who are overwhelmed
*Parents who are exhausted
*Conscious parents or those that want to be more pro-active
*Parents who take action
*Parents who are grateful
*Parents who are hopeless and want to feel good

I love you all. Have a peaceful new start to the NEW YEAR! Cheers!

Love,

Shane

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I work with a child and the  Dad is home with her all day. During our session he sits in a chair and watches, occasionally asking a question from the background.  Today we had a conversation and he said; “he feels “useless.”  I understood clearly. He says he is waiting for a spot to open up for his daughter in school. I only halfway believe him.   He watches his daughter but does not engage but to test her knowledge of colors or numbers to to tell her what to do or what not to do. Waiting on anything can be frustrating.  I wonder if he will ever feel complete and at ease about his daughter. He is only concerned with her future, I’m not sure if he realizes this, but the current time is when she needs him the most. The current time for her learning is to PLAY. I have invited him into play and he attempts to play, but will go directly to correcting her in repetition style, she tunes him out and ignores him.  He announces this is why she need school.

Is this a relationship that can grow? Will this Dad ever realize that he is missing opportunities to build a relationship with is daughter?

Does any of this resonate with you? Do you feel like you are watching, witnessing and waiting? Do you feel USELESS?

There are many ways to participate, so you NEVER feel like you are waiting on anything for your child. The waiting game is a way of giving your power away, and can lead to blaming someone or some process.

Here are 4 tips to use if you a parent who does not play naturally:

  1. Sit close with your child
  2. Ask an open ended question; “why did that happen?
  3. Keep your voice neutral
  4. Only listen to the answer

Happy relationship building!

Love,

Shane

sleeping mom

Since moving into a sublet situation, most of my “stuff” (furniture, clothing etc. is with me, some is in storage and some is in my homebase apartment)

I have been tested in so many areas in regards to what a “perfect” home looks and feels like. How important is my “stuff” to making me feel complete? As a Mom how much does being “perfect” take you away from being present with your family and children?

I have two bedrooms for the first time, one bed is smaller than my own. I was having a guest sleep over, and felt a tremendous YUCKY feeling about offering them a bed with mis matched sheets! I had to get over it and it wasn’t easy, I took time and journaled about it and took a 5 minute meditation to get settled and not be apologetic for offering a mis-matched sheet set to my guest! I didn’t want to have any shame or embarrassment around it.

Immediately I thought of all my clients, who describe their home as

  • Chaotic
  • A disaster
  • Looks like a bomb hit it
  • Always a mess
  • Gross
  • How do you describe your home? ____________

These descriptions keep the home from having

  • Playdates
  • Mom gatherings
  • Parent community dinners
  • Extended family from visiting

What your children learn from this:

  • Shame (messy or not, kids sense your feelings about your home)
  • Embarrassment (kids learn that their home must not “be enough”
  • Being social only happens outside the home
  • Being social may only cost money to be fun
  • Whats your take?

I invite you to turn on some awareness in your thoughts on

  1. How your cleaning impacts your child?
  2. How your lack of cleaning impacts your family?
  3. Can your child/family be aware of their own responsibilities and teamwork opportunities to support their environment?
  4. Are you being a total servant to the loved ones in your home?
  5. How much pressure do you put on yourself to be “perfect?”
  6. Where have certain beliefs originated from? Are these home beliefs helpful to your family?  Are they yours or have they been passed on from someone or somewhere else?
  7. If you could ask for help in home responsibilities? What would you ask for help with?

Thank you for reading!

Love,

Shane

 

 

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