I have a moment to share about anger, bullying and power… of a 4. 5 year old. I’ve known this family for 3 months. I began working with them because their 4 year old son was having high emotions and anger during the school day, he was hitting other children, and his teachers were upset, had no answers, and cared a tremendous amount about this young boy I’ll call Jack* which is not his real name.
His awesome Mom shared this story of his playground time. At age 5 something happens, children begin teasing more, comparing themselves, and being “mean” to each other in a very personal way. Bullying also happens. This is a huge subject, I have a lot to say on this matter, but this blog is super focused on this young boys experience. And now for the story…..
Mom, younger sister and Jack are enjoying a day in the park, they are at a new playground, everyone is excited. During activity, a young girl began calling the young boy all different kinds of “baby,” she may have been several months older, not more. She began relentlessly teasing him. He went and told his Mom, she brainstormed with him to ignore her, keep on playing, walk away and some other ideas, he tried all of them, he came back and tried to keep playing. What Mom witnessed next is amazing for this child, but also as an inspiration for all human beings.
She came back to tease him, he said nothing, but let his anger come up and looked at her in a powerful and angry way.
You know what happened? GUESS!!!
She ran away crying. He had used no words, said nothing. He let his anger come up and didn’t get physical, or even any closer to her. He stood his ground and became his powerful self. AMAZING!!!!
Why am I so inspired by this? This young man and his family have been working on acceptance of ALL feelings, there is not one feeling that is “good” or “bad” they are all healthy. Hitting is not ok when angry, but being angry is ok. Throwing a glass cup is not ok when frustrated, but frustration is ok.
This young man now has an experience of how powerful his anger is. No one got hurt, no one got disciplined, he just let this little girl know, he wants her to stop and he is not messing around. This experience lives in his body forever, and this little girl knows to not mess with him ever (at least this is what I believe.)
I have met, witnessed and experienced myself, resisting certain feelings. Feeling our feelings is a BIG mission, there is a ton of research on why people don’t feel certain feelings. Have you ever heard yourself saying anything similar to these phrases?
- Stop crying
- Use your words
- Don’t be angry, just share
- Why aren’t you happy?
- Don’t get frustrated, just use your words
Words dissipate feelings. Words create comfort, some situations are beyond words. Words make the feelings go away. When feelings get repressed, it affects the physiological body. What you resist persists. Nothing has to change, the challenge I offer:
Tune in and become aware of when a feeling is felt in your body. What is your next action? Do you shoo away the feeling, do you eat? Do you start to blame or talk about others? Do you get a headache? Start to track what happens when an “uncomfortable” feeling arises… You will be surprised.
Thank you from my heart for reading this, ALL of your comments and feedback are welcome here,