I have been speaking with parents and educators of adolescents and teenagers. And the consistent word I keep hearing is “control.” Who IS in control? Are the parents who pay the bills in control of their children? I agree. Are the children in control of their choices? I agree. The answer that is completely absolute and a fact is, we are all only in control of ourselves, (and even then we are not always.) There are millions of variables that happen all the time, every second and minute of the day, which prove we are only in control of our own choices and actions.
The younger children I work and babies make obvious choices and we are constantly concerned with what they want, and because they don’t speak, we verbally give them choices, and really respect their answers. As children get older and start to use their own words, many parents back off. They may take note of what their child is doing, but not talk about it. Teenagers have real physiological hormone action going on that makes them a little nutty:) Lets remember our own experiences…. As a teen these days, there is amazing amounts of pressure on where to fit in, what material items you have and if you are cool enough… Remember now? Having flashbacks? This is why we must be the super consistent ones. Know that an adolescent and teenager will not help your self-esteem, and will not cater to your ego. In fact they will do the exactly the opposite. This is why we (educators alike) must help ourselves and include mandatory feel good times for ourselves. Here are some simple ways to show love to yourself…
- Take a bubble bath
- Write in a journal
- Take a yoga class
- Meditate/meditation class
- Hang a love mantra in your home
- Take a dance class
- Attend a workshop about loving yourself/ or a satsang
- Use crayons and color in a book
- Read a book
You get the idea….
The positive effect that will happen is your child will see that you trust them to be alone or alone with another adult, shows them you respect yourself so they should too, lowers your blood pressure, gives your child a positive role model, has your child realize they are not the most important person, and most of all it gives you recharge time, so you can deal.
You may be the only one who sees your child’s true colors, support them in their time of need, even when they don’t want to admit they need you.
Find a way to enjoy everything…