father pointing

Defiance

I meet many parents who come to me with guilt about always saying no. Parents work all week. They finally have weekend time, their children wake them up early with immediate requests. Parent replies; “No. ” “Can we do this? “”No.” “How about now?” “No.” “Want to play with me?” “I’m sorry, no I can’t.”  “How about now?” “I said NO!”

By the time Sunday night rolls around, so much guilt has accumulated that it feels like a horrible weekend, and then your child spends all day in school and time has flown by and you are the “no parent.” So you act from a low consciousness place.

No is often said with alot of energy, so it is more impactful. Saying yes to a child all the time is impossible. BUT, if “yes” was said with more or as much enthusiasm as “no” was children would see “no’s” as more fair.

Children are mostly concerned with whats fair. So the next time you say “yes,” say it like you are delivering the best message ever. Let your child feel the energy of you saying yes, and give yourself the amazing opportunity to enjoy the “yes.”

Once it gets serious with your child, and your voice is harsh, it’s a power struggle. What you are now telling them or asking them is lost. All a harsh voice does is break up a bond in your parent child relationship.

If you can’t help your harsh voice, walk away with a SHORT expiration. Right now I am feeling frustrated, let’s discuss this later. MAKE sure you do discuss whatever happened later.

Being transparent  and super honest will release guilt build-up. Once you begin drawing attention to your “yes’s” you’re “no’s” shall end up being less harsh.”

Children hear the tone of your voice more than anything. Teaching them a lesson is an old school way of parenting. It’s about force and being an authoritarian. If you are parenting form this place, your child sees you as the enemy, as the joy zapper, as the person in the way of their joy. This does not equal a child who listens, just a child who is afraid of you.

I would love comments on this topic. Email me, or comment below!

Love,

Shane