Judging other folks is normal and natural. Brining in consciousness about it is the change can happen. Whether I am working with a family, a Mother or a woman who is seeking more confidence, there is shame of being judgmental. I easily I admit to all my clients that I am judgmental, and I have always been, the difference now is that my judgments don’t mean much, and once they come into my awareness, I actually let it out of my mind. I have done a ton of self-development work around this. Why am I sharing this?
With light of our country’s politics, I see how clearly children pick up their parents judgments, and on some level this is ok. What I am here to invite parents to think about is, your judgments and feelings are bigger and magnified to extremes in the eyes of a child. When a parent is rampaging on, or feeling low and showing signs of depression, anger, sadness, fear etc. A child may begin to feel unsafe. They see their parents as they are “in trouble or doomed.” Several suggestions and offers of how to “be” with your children when you are feeling passionate about politics, world issues and anything to do with the climate of the world.
- Let your child (of any age) “I love you and we are safe”
- Limit watching the news, especially the channels where people are talking over each other and fighting
- Create art with newspapers and discuss what they see, ask curious questions
- Ask them questions that they can answer (yes/no questions for younger kids, open ended questions to older kids.)
- Stay neutral and curious in your tone of voice(do your best) when having a conversation around world issues
- Check- in with them frequently to see what they think or how they are feeling.
- Children’s behaviors may seem irrelevant to the issues at hand. Their behaviors are ALWAYS a sign of their inner life
- When your child/children act out, respond, don’t react. A reaction is mirroring what doesn’t work. A tantrum, melt-town, acting out etc. is a reaction of something overloading the child.
- When this reaction from your child happens, take a physical step to the side, take at least one breath into your belly, and ask them; “what happened? or “what’s happening?”
- You don’t always have to “fix” your child’s problem, it’s healthy to have an outburst of energy, they need space to do this, as long as it’s safe, and they can move on, way quicker than we can
I welcome all comments and feedback,
Shane B. Kulman, MS SpEd