Archives for posts with tag: parent help

How One Mother Learned to Find Balance and Joy (NY Metro Parents Magazine).

by Tiffany Caldwell October 16, 2014

One mother of a daughter with autism was going through a lot of changes in life when she found something that seemed empowering, new, and different. Her story, as told to Kaitlin Ahern, shows how a day of joy helped her release negative feelings and embrace the power of self-care.

watercolor woman

My daughter is 7½ years old, and she has autism. She was diagnosed a little over 3 years ago, and caring for and raising her is still a learning process for me. About six months ago, I was told she wasn’t progressing in school. The process of finding her a new school where she could thrive was stressful—it was like a weight, a burden on my shoulders. I live in Crown Heights, Brooklyn, and at about the same time I was having problems with my landlord and saw my rent increase dramatically, so I decided to give up my home.

I was going through a lot of changes in my life at that time, and I was open to something that seemed empowering, new, and different. So when I heard about the A Day of Joy workshop in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, I thought I’d give it a try. The workshop was presented by Shane Kulman, M.S. SpEd, founder of Your Beautiful Child, whom I had met at an Autism Chalk Festival in Prospect Park earlier this year (she is a beam of light!). Shane is a special education therapist and family coach, and the A Day of Joy workshop was meant to empower parents and caregivers of children with special needs, as well as the professionals who work with them, with a sense of self-care, self-love, and a feeling of community.

I woke up the morning of the workshop optimistic and excited to see what it was all about. When I got there, I found a small, intimate group of parents and professionals and noticed the positive vibes. We did some meditation, breathing exercises, and journaling, and we had open conversations. I felt like I really connected with people who I had met for the first time that day.

Afterward, I felt lighter, like I had just released a lot of the negative emotions we all experience—doubt, fear, uncertainty. And I left feeling like a new person with a different view on life. Since then, I’ve had good days and bad days, but I keep telling myself that in due time, everything is going to be alright, and that I just have to stay focused. I keep revisiting that day, and it puts a smile on my face.

I continue to try to find a balance between caring for my daughter and caring for myself. When she was first diagnosed, I was a total wreck and completely overwhelmed. Even sitting down for a few minutes during the day to take a breather made me feel guilty. I’ve learned over time that it’s not a crime to take time for yourself, because you need it—I need time to recharge so I’m able to take care of my daughter to the best of my ability. I know that if my child senses that I’m stressed out, sad, or overwhelmed, those feelings project onto her. Still, it’s hard to find that balance and beat down the guilt and doubt that rise up when I do something for myself. I try to keep in mind that I’m just human, I’m only one person, and as long as I put my best foot forward, that’s all I can do. I know I need to care for myself so I can be around to care for my daughter in the long run.

I’m still learning every day, from workshops and seminars and especially from the amazing people I’ve met along this journey with my daughter. As the parent of a child with special needs, it’s easy to feel lost, alone, afraid, and overwhelmed. That’s why it’s very important to reach out to others. You need people in your life who can relate to what you’re going through, and who can help you along the way. Everyone needs a support system and someone to talk to. It can be a lonely and challenging world, so it’s important to stay connected and know that there’s always someone out there to guide you and give you advice. I feel that the more people you’re connected to, the better off you are, because no one can do it alone. And like the saying goes, “it takes a village.”

Tiffany Caldwell is a Brooklyn mom, a mental health therapy aide, and a passionate advocate for her daughter, who has autism, and for the special needs community at large. She enjoys spending time with her daughter in the plentiful green spaces throughout Brooklyn and watching her child’s imagination blossom through art.

The Show This Post Refers To YBC Show: The Truth: Shane Shares Louise Hay 

  • Do you ask for help?
  • If you ask for help do you feel needy?
  • Why is it so hard to ask for help?

Last Sunday on, Your Beautiful Child Radio, I shared my current truth, and it was not pink and sparkly. (It was a little lack luster, or rather it needed some sparkle help.)  This past couple of days were challenging and (before the show) I had categorized everything I was thinking feeling and experiencing as WACK…  Here I am, being on this awareness journey for quite a bit now,  I  realized, yet again,  how much time and energy I spend on judging myself.  I give  myself  labels, criticize, compare and  scare myself with a ton of frightening thoughts.  It was hard to get a smile on my face.

Here is why if you are a parent, you can turn to your child for help. Children (typically younger than 5)  feel no judgement, they wear their truth like a badge of honor,

  • they share their need for attention (loud and clear)
  • ask for help in any way they can
  • they crave attention and make demands if they do not get it
  • They think the world is about their needs first

Why have we stopped being and thinking this way?

The time I spent with my little clients, brought me out of my head and into the present. It’s almost impossible to be anywhere else when in the presence of a child. So parents who deal with judging themselves, depression or anxiety: Use your children to guide yourself back to being present and grounded.

Here it was Saturday (again) and my radio show is to be recorded the next day, and I am to inspire and spread the message of JOY. I asked myself, “how on earth could I do this?!?!”  I was judging the way I was feeling to be a horrific depressed state of being.  Well the truth was, I wasn’t so comfortable sharing this,  so I decided to make a shift.   I picked up a book recommended to me several weeks back, Louise H. Hay’s, “You Can Heal Your Life”  and I began to read. Once again, I felt  AH HA! A book to the rescue. A woman who was talking to me!  I could find the help I needed without actually talking to anyone. Then I found a talk of hers online (free) that I also found to be a great tool, (see below.)

You see this is a problem for me, to ask for help. I didn’t reach out to any friends,and I cancelled plans I made.  I seem to always forget that have an ego that may be bigger than I’d like it to be, and not only does this get in my way, why not turn to someone and share, and ask what should I do?  Am I afraid to look weak?      Who could be  so important that could judge me as weak?!?!? HAHAHA ONLY ME!

So in the privacy of my home, I went to my bookshelves. I began to use Louise’s advice, her words and her suggestions and I began to feel different. I began to once again begin to feel the possibility of loving myself. I am here to declare I am loving and lovable, and I am here to say I am also human and sometimes I need a little help.

P.S. Even the people that seem to have “it all” together also require help.

Here is a talk by Ms. Hay that helped me: http://hayhouse.edgeboss.net/hhus/audio/wc/gifts/0911/louisehay_howtoloveyourself_082911.mp3

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