Archives for posts with tag: parenting

panda eyesI had an early talk to give, and had performed in an improv show the night before, so I wore the same makeup. So there, I said it.  It wasn’t my plan- it just happened.

I am aware of all the judgements you have while reading this, some judgment and some relief, maybe both?  This was not the plan of course, I am pretty good about washing my face before I go to bed.  This time it didn’t’ happen that way, and you know what IT WORKED.  If you know me, or have listened to my radio show, you are aware I have been lucky enough to create a work schedule that does not include being anywhere before 11am. This workshop began at 8am in midtown Manhattan.

Other than not being healthy for my skin, what reasons was this a bad thing?  When you think of these reasons, is it based on “the right thing to do?’ Who created these right things? Are you not my friend anymore, do you think I’m dirty? do you not want to follow the work I do? Once you answer those questions, ask yourself if those judgements matter to me….

Why am I writing this on my blog?  Here is why.

When you are thinking of “doing the right thing” for your child or your Self, as a parent or a human being, do you do what you think is what everyone else would consider the right thing? Or are you doing what works for your child and your Self?

This is a great question when something you are working so hard to get done, isn’t flowing,  or your child is fighting against what you think is best for him/her? Following a child’s lead (whether it’s your own, a child in view, or in your life) can show you what is really right. Children are connected to the truth WAY EASIER than we are.   My suggestion is this: if something is not working out easily and feels forced, take a step back  (literally)  and think about why you dare doing it? Is it because it’s the right thing to do according to the social norm?  Are you considering what people will say about you? Becoming mindful of these times will create less paddling up sh*t’s creek.

Life could be lived without being so hard and forced.  By squeezing too many errands or appointments into one day, each task is not done with full presence, you end up running late, and for what? To be a superhero parent? So you can you feel proud when talking about how busy you are? In the midst of the day of working hard to “do the right things” many moments are zipped through with all sorts of meaningful things ignored; thoughts, signs, beauty and most of all answers about bigger questions in your life.

As we grow, and or get older, life can become easier and more manageable. If  it isn’t, something must shift, or what usually happens is, you get sick. Your body tells you to stop and slow down.   Living a life thats based on what works, vs. what your supposed to do makes all the difference.

Louise hay asks the question, “do you have poverty in time or are you prosperous in time?”

With all my heart,

Shane

What Can I Do To Help You?

How often do you say this?  Lately I have been very mindful  and conscious to make this offering to people. Regardless of how busy I am, when I ask this of people I actually feel a lightness to our conversation.  I see their bodies relax.  Its like a fun and meaningful way to say to someone, “I care about you and want to make you an offer that will make your life easier.”  It also helps people pinpoint exactly what they need help with. Or it can make them realize they are just complaining, which might be helpful to them.)

This simple sentence says and does so much. Of course helping someone get a task done is great, it helps them organize exactly what they need in specifics, and helps them let go of thinking they can do it all, which is a control issue.  When this question is asked of a parent, it doesn’t necessarily mean childcare.  Many parents I work with automatically assume their biggest issue to need help is babysitting their child.  I have asked this of parents, and suggested picking up specific groceries or paper goods,  bare necessities for the home, going out to get the mail, finishing the laundry etc.   All the supports that make a home run smoothly are ways to help.

Maybe you already make these offers.  Be aware of how you physically feel when you say this.  Taking a deep breath and look at the person with prolonged eye contact. This  lets the other person know you mean what you say and you say what you mean.

A great idea is asking your child, at their eye level, “I see you are having a hard time, is there anything I can do to help you?”  Watch their reaction.  What do you see? How do you feel when you say this to your child?  You will be kindly surprised that your child will return this sentence to you when you need it most.

I remember I was teaching preschool at a head start. There was a “challenging” child, who would hurt his friends and act out outrageously, dump yogurt on another child’s head, rip books, push the lunch cart into children etc.  Oh I had such a special love for this child’s jacket as I saw him walking out the door at the end of the day;)  One day he pulled the computer monitor on to the floor. The other children all looked at me, and three were brave and came to me and asked, “what can I do to help you?”  I am grateful for the boy who broke the  monitor, just to have the three children show me that what I do as a teacher is helping create better people in this world.

Namaste, and thank you for reading,                                                                                                           Shane

Won’t you please subscribe to my radio show?  Click below and submit your email address. I thank you in advance, have a wonderful day! http://feedburner.google.com/fb/a/mailverify?uri=YourBeautifulChildRadio

Aloha on this beautiful NYC day!

Attached you will find several workshops that you should look in to and attend.

Besides just posting these, I would like to discuss why it’s important  to attend any conferences as a parent.  I pass on all the information to the families I work with and I can say about 90% of the time, they do not attend.  Besides the obvious reasons of great information being passed on here are some  other reasons to attend workshops/talks and conferences.

  • Inspiration to work with your child
  • New parent friends, who feel like you do/networking
  • Learn positive parenting strategies
  • Brainstorm old ideas into new ones
  • Freebies
  • Recharging with time away from home
  • Bonding with your mate
  • Bring a family member/friend=educate them about your child

A well known question that comes up is “who watches my child while I’m at a meeting?”  This is a great opportunity to introduce your child to a family member that is up for the challenge.  I recommend as many trials as your child needs to stay with another person.  Depending on the development and behavior of your child, begin slow.  Leave the house with the beloved family member or trusted friend for 5 minutes, go mail a letter, get something from the car etc. Upon your return tell praise your child.  By adding more and more time away from home, you are preparing your child towards independence.

It is an important lesson your child learn that Mom and Dad have time away, this will alleviate any spoiled child from always getting what they want, special needs and typical alike.  As I always say regardless of physical, developmental or mental disabilities, a child is always a child first.

https://docs.google.com/viewer?a=v&pid=gmail&attid=0.1&thid=12816651a1484495&mt=application%2Fpdf&url=https%3A%2F%2Fmail.google.com%2Fmail%2F%3Fui%3D2%26ik%3D2ad43f4bde%26view%3Datt%26th%3D12816651a1484495%26attid%3D0.1%26disp%3Dattd%26zw&sig=AHIEtbSI4FNBC5iWDIPUTNIxNL8ZjGWuNg&pli=1

Your child has an IEP, Now what? http://www.facebook.com/#!/event.php?eid=115351888492473

Sensory Integration Talk http://www.facebook.com/#!/event.php?eid=115212021840232

Aloha from NYC,

I’m not exactly sure what the statute of limitations is on using Aloha….but it sounds a lot more exciting then just hello;) Either way, GOOD MORNING! I am excited and a tad overwhelmed that my radio career begins today!  Just returning home from my stay in Hawaii, I have unpacked, organized, welcomed Cooper (my baby dog) back into my life, and things are back to usual…. except,  I was wide awake all night, I stopped looking at the clock at 4am. Ugh.  Today’s radio show set me off into thinking of a million things I need to follow up on, do, and remember, oh and I had to move my car this morning. I am usually a good sleeper so needless to say I’m a bit wound up this am.

As adults, most of us are lucky enough to be able to work these issues out, we can write lists, sleep with blinders, meditate, practice yoga etc.  Most children are not taught how to manage stress. Without realizing many parents keep their managing stress a secret, they want their children to have continuous smooth sailing.  I see children get the raw end of the deal when parents have a day that isn’t working and they are the ones who are forced to feel that negative energy.  Whether your child is verbal or non-verbal speak with them.  It actually hurts me when I am out and about and I hear children being spoken at.  In their little lives they learn by actions.  Ask yourself ,or someone you love (who won’t bite your head off) to think about what positive learning experience is a child l receiving when an adults stressful day ends up in their lap.

If a child knows what is going on the night or morning  before (depending on the child) they can learn so much. Communication, daily expectations, and managing time, are three major lessons.  Keep a notebook or a list on the refrigerator, of a schedule or to do list.  This will help your day tremendously, but also will lay out a plan for your child to understand, whether you think they do or not, it’s good communication process. It may take a long time to begin this process, but like any good habit, it takes a bit to make a regular practice.  I like to make three sections, and keep it simple. I use stars, in order of importance. You should include all daily activities and tasks, even ones while your child is in school. At the end of the day there is nothing better then looking at a crossed off  list, share this with your child! Dance in celebration, sing a “I did it” song!

We all have special needs, luckily we have tools to help us through our tangled days.  A child with special needs is sometimes referred to as “being in their own world,” well who isn’t in their own wold? Try driving down Flatbush Avenue in Brooklyn, the majority of people are in their own worlds.  My overall advise for drivers of Flatbush and parents? SLowwwwwww down….

Love and light to you all,

P.S. I’ll meet you on the radio later!

Aloha friends!

As I come to a close on this fantastic month here in Hawaii, I woke up today thinking about some very specific differences with the children here and the children back home.  I have found there to be pretty limited city and state resources  for families, no money for providers, not alot of SEIT services, schools for Autism closing mid year….In comparison to NY it is  a serious shame.  What I do find were many parent/caregiver support groups that have mailing lists of up to 240 families.  These groups were easy to find and each group leader I spoke with said they have about 40-50 family members showing up consistently.

What I also notice at the beaches, in the malls,  on the bus, and everywhere in between are no crying children being dragged down the street or being screamed at  in public.  Yes, there were children having tempter tantrums, BUT the parents were NOT having tantrums.  I know this might sound funny, but we all, myself included, have temper tantrums.  No I don’t throw myself on the floor, everyones tantrums “look” different and I’ve learned to incorporate tools  to “fix” what is frustrating me.

I can honestly say that in NYC  I see a crying or hysterical child being yelled and pulled down the street by their parent almost every day. NYC is definitely a more stressed place, it’s huge,  it can be a project to get around, it’s cold, and everyone is always moving fast, I am trying hard to not make this a “I dislike NYC” thing,  I am not saying everyone pick up and move.

I know many parents that work hard “teaching” their children, they are using workbooks, reading to their children, buying educational toys etc.  What parents should also remember as a number one fact is – Children learn more by watching – This means ALL children typical and  special needs children  feel what a parent does more then do what they say.   The energy a  parent creates in a home is the most important factor in creating a non-stressed environment.  Tone of voice, to not only the child, but to other adults  and family members, people spoken to on the phone etc.  The speed at which laundry is done, the pace which dinner is prepared, the eye contact given when speaking with and giving directions to a child, the family meal.  All these activities that go on on a daily basis in the home send messages.  Often they are messages of stress.

What I am suggesting is a lifestyle change, it’s not an easy one, but there are easy ideas that you can start doing right now, in your home. They will benefit your child and surely benefit you!  Choose one, add one on every week, hang up signs to remind yourself, do whatever fits your style to incorpeate stress relievers, your life and your child’s life depends on it.

  • Ignore your call waiting, let people leave messages.
  • Have a wake up and stretch morning
  • Listen to music
  • Dance
  • Breath through your nose count to four sec., release through your nose for 5 sec.
  • Introduce a journal into your life, include three things for the day, one person you will forgive that day, one thing you forgive yourself for, and anything wonderful that happened.
  • Schedule time for an Epsom salt bath
  • Inhale lavender oil
  • Rub your hands together, make them warm and cover your eyes gently.
  • Gentle touch is a great healer, give your child a neck and shoulder massage, have them learn to give one back
  • Hug a little bit longer
  • Share mistakes and your true feelings about your day with your child.
  • Sing a song that you make up as you go
  • Books on CD/tape

Most of all remember to always take the high road, your child is watching…

Mahalo for reading!

Understanding Stress, Signs Symtoms Causes and Effects

Aloha friends  and Happy New Year!

I am glad that I have begun this blog adventure….The purpose of this blog is to be helpful to parents and caregivers alike in how to make your life and your child’s life happy and “good.”

The word RELAX—–ahhhhhhh. Sounds easy,  I have constant challenges with this myself.  I am aware of how relaxing benefits my well-being, my work, how I spend time with loved ones basically everything.  I observe how NOT being relaxed creates tension in all daily situations.  This leads to my goal:

Learning to make relaxing easy, fun and simple.

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