Archives for posts with tag: self-help

“Care of the Caregiver… YOU!” ~Shane B. Kulman

I remember the first time I heard this. How clear and “right” it sounded.  As the phrase unfolded in my head, I realized that I was a caregiver, and that working in a classroom 5 days a week, 8-3:30 and then coming home to eat a slice of pizza and collapse was not going to work for me anymore. That was NOT caring about the caregiver, and I was caregiving for 25 students and a wacky assistant that year.  No more…

I’ve graduated and will occasionally take a several week or month vacation during the school year, is this extreme caregiving for myself?  I think, no.  Some say extreme, I bet some say spoiled…  I now understand the importance of bookends. When I set out to work, I am aware that before and after I must include time where I do something for myself.  It may be a simple cup of tea, or a massage/spa visit.

I believe everyone is a caregiver in some aspect. Parents, Grandparents, Aunties and Uncles, babysitters, teachers, therapists, Nurses, Doctors, dog owners… you get the idea.

The parents I work with that have children with special needs, are constantly caregiving. There have been very few who make the time to withdraw from caring about others and take care of their Self.  So many parents pick food from their children’s plates, or eat standing up, don’t get dressed or spend every last penny on their child. After a while the caregiving well, goes dry. Parents often feel drained, wasted of energy and limited in   options. When I suggest a yoga class, a writing class, or to join in to any group activity that does not revolve around parenting, they look at me like I’m a dreamer, like I’m out of touch with reality, and then I see the guilt forming, “WHAT!?!? spend time on myself?!!?!? When my child is so far behind?”  I even suggested to a Mom to go out to dinner with Dad with a dress on, and I would stay with the children, she laughed at me and said we talk and eat when the kids go to school. Hmmmm, is this the same as wearing a dress at a restaurant?  I think not.

Children learn from watching, this has been researched and proven.  If all the young girls are watching their Mothers caregive and serve constantly, how will they learn to be independent and self expansive?  Special needs children, including non-verbal children see and feel what is going on around them. I see the neediest children become ultra demanding when they are in need of something. What happens after their demand, that may result in a temper tantrum/meltdown?  A Parent is running to serve them. What is the valuable lesson here? Yup, the bigger the meltdown and demand, the faster a parent runs.

Children with or without special needs, even pets, learn how to rule through behavior and reactions. I believe there is always time to be made for caring for the caregiver. Even if its a bath, or journaling time. I would say shopping, but you know who gets shopped for… everyone else.

Dearest friends – No matter who you are caring for. You can serve them on a higher level, if you take time to serve yourself. Your health and those you love will love you for it.

Namaste and love yourself,

Shane

I have been writing a book for a couple of months now.  I have never called myself a writer, although I’ve also been writing this blog for some years now, and have published a couple of articles.  Why do some people comfortably state, “I am a writer?”  Is it because they majored in it in college?

Did someone in school tell you, “you can’t write?” or “you have difficulties writing?”  Where are those people now? How important are they now?

I value the use of  THE JOURNAL, I’ve even been called a “born again journaler.”   Journaling was introduced to me when I was young, my Aunt Myriam gave me a journal to write in when I was mad or angry. I used it alot. I stopped, only to really come to love it in the last couple of years.  When I began to write I realized how judgmental of myself I was.  It made me realize how much self-depricating I did.  I saw I “felt stupid” and judged my writing and thoughts so harshly, and this was never going to be shared with anyone, just myself.

Children have been using journals for quite some time in school now. It’s a place they keep their work, but are they given a chance to write their feelings? Ever?

ImageUsing a journal as a parent is powerful. I recently heard that if you are a parent, your heart is always some where outside your body.  WOW. I heard this while I was traveling in California and practicing being present.

Is it ever possible to be present as a parent when you always have your child’s well being and health on your mind?

After the big tragedies with shootings, and the “small” ones locally happening every day. How is a parent ever to feel fully present, unless their child is attached to them physically?

I have friends with teenagers, they often talk about how they are always worrying about what their children are doing until they are home safe in bed. Yikes. I would be endlessly journaling if I had teenage children.

If your choice is a journal, a blog/vlog or actually talking to yourself;) Its’ great!  It’s healthy and very insightful.

If you are a beginner, you could start your writing   “I love and accept you exactly as you are.”  Louise Hay suggests writing it 25 times! I follow her suggestion when I need to and it works! So start!, write your:

  • stories
  • your feelings
  • your imagination
  • the truth
  • your wishes
  • poetry & songs

I find it a great healing tool, clearing space in your head for more ideas, and to alleviate stress, anxiety and depression…

Happy writing! And I thank you with all my heart for reading,

Shane

The Show This Post Refers To YBC Show: The Truth: Shane Shares Louise Hay 

  • Do you ask for help?
  • If you ask for help do you feel needy?
  • Why is it so hard to ask for help?

Last Sunday on, Your Beautiful Child Radio, I shared my current truth, and it was not pink and sparkly. (It was a little lack luster, or rather it needed some sparkle help.)  This past couple of days were challenging and (before the show) I had categorized everything I was thinking feeling and experiencing as WACK…  Here I am, being on this awareness journey for quite a bit now,  I  realized, yet again,  how much time and energy I spend on judging myself.  I give  myself  labels, criticize, compare and  scare myself with a ton of frightening thoughts.  It was hard to get a smile on my face.

Here is why if you are a parent, you can turn to your child for help. Children (typically younger than 5)  feel no judgement, they wear their truth like a badge of honor,

  • they share their need for attention (loud and clear)
  • ask for help in any way they can
  • they crave attention and make demands if they do not get it
  • They think the world is about their needs first

Why have we stopped being and thinking this way?

The time I spent with my little clients, brought me out of my head and into the present. It’s almost impossible to be anywhere else when in the presence of a child. So parents who deal with judging themselves, depression or anxiety: Use your children to guide yourself back to being present and grounded.

Here it was Saturday (again) and my radio show is to be recorded the next day, and I am to inspire and spread the message of JOY. I asked myself, “how on earth could I do this?!?!”  I was judging the way I was feeling to be a horrific depressed state of being.  Well the truth was, I wasn’t so comfortable sharing this,  so I decided to make a shift.   I picked up a book recommended to me several weeks back, Louise H. Hay’s, “You Can Heal Your Life”  and I began to read. Once again, I felt  AH HA! A book to the rescue. A woman who was talking to me!  I could find the help I needed without actually talking to anyone. Then I found a talk of hers online (free) that I also found to be a great tool, (see below.)

You see this is a problem for me, to ask for help. I didn’t reach out to any friends,and I cancelled plans I made.  I seem to always forget that have an ego that may be bigger than I’d like it to be, and not only does this get in my way, why not turn to someone and share, and ask what should I do?  Am I afraid to look weak?      Who could be  so important that could judge me as weak?!?!? HAHAHA ONLY ME!

So in the privacy of my home, I went to my bookshelves. I began to use Louise’s advice, her words and her suggestions and I began to feel different. I began to once again begin to feel the possibility of loving myself. I am here to declare I am loving and lovable, and I am here to say I am also human and sometimes I need a little help.

P.S. Even the people that seem to have “it all” together also require help.

Here is a talk by Ms. Hay that helped me: http://hayhouse.edgeboss.net/hhus/audio/wc/gifts/0911/louisehay_howtoloveyourself_082911.mp3

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