How to Move Past Stress and Reclaim Your Feminine Power

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/58b46c16e4b0e5fdf6197559

Interview by Abiola Abrams Contributor for The Huffington Post

At any point in time, we are all in transition of some kind. The idea of keeping a stiff upper lip and toughing it out on your own is thankfully becoming antiquated. If it seems as though there is suddenly a legion of life coaches and empowerment gurus ready to assist, it’s the same reason that there exists a legion of doctors, lawyers and teachers. They are needed.

Shane Kulman of Enchanted Embodiment is the author of From Anxiety to Ease, The Feminine Way. She is also known as the Enchantress. The Enchantress of what, one might ask. Apparently, she is the enchantress of moving past survival mode and into thriving mode with feminine power. Yeah! Shane’s business is helping women to boldly step into confidence and overcome stress in every aspect of our lives.

Abiola: Shane, how did you become an expert with helping women and stress?

Shane: I come from a long line of worriers. It’s the climate I was raised in. I had no idea I was stuck in my thoughts all the time, I had never heard nor understood the term of “being in your body.” Once I began learning the difference, my whole life changed. I knew right away if I could get past stress and anxiety, I could teach anyone to.

Abiola: I come from a line of first class worriers as well! When did you begin teaching women how to work with their stress and anxiety? 

Shane: I started out my career as a school teacher, and I got buried in stress and a low grade feeling of depression and anxiety. I knew that lifestyle wasn’t going to last very long. I got sick often and was in a constant state of worry. I knew I had to do something, I found Yoga for the Special Child, and saw how much breath and moving energy was a catalyst for changing how I was internally feeling.

Abiola: I find that the most incredible teachers and coaches are those who have overcome their own challenges. So kudos to you. Why are you so passionate about moving past stress and women? 

Shane: I’ve been working with women for a long time and I see this epidemic of stress wreaking havoc on a woman ability to live in a way where she gets to shine. Everyone has stress, women in particular hold on to stress in a particular way, that gets covered up with caregiving and overwhelm which can “hide” the anxiety and stress, but really the body suffers and eventually breaks down and then has lack of ease, which triggers strong emotions.

Abiola: Yes! When I was doing research on this for my last book, I found that in the 1960s feminist icon Betty Friedan called this “the problem that has no name.” Thankfully, we now have a name that is now commonly known. Where do you see the most stress coming from? 

Shane: Money, love, health and body image, and work. The pressures of being perfect, and of achieving and success so life “looks” a certain way. This creates an overall feeling of never doing enough. This triggers all kinds of insecurities and impacts the way a woman shows up in with her family, with her work, and most importantly with herself.

Abiola: In your new book, “From Anxiety to Ease, The Feminine Way,” you share many tips on how to move past anxiety in less than 10 minutes. What are your favorite strategies? 

Shane: For women it must be easy, practical efficient. My ultimate favorite is a dance break, it sounds so simple, and it can be! It can be a finger dance, or a sitting down bop around! Having a playlist that is readily available can switch a mood right away. Another is to give oneself a scalp and ear massage, this can be done anywhere anytime. Often stress comes from overthinking, and giving relief to where information goes into, is a major helper. My third easy and favorite is to tense your whole body really tight, clench, squeeze for 3 seconds then completely let go, repeat as much as you need.

Abiola: Yes! I am all about the dance break. What do you wish our readers to know if they are dealing with stress, and are feeling hopeless? 

Shane: I have a background in theater acting, non-violent communication, yoga, meditation, dance, authentic relating, mind-body movement, traditional therapy, parent and transformational coaching.

I would advise your readers to keep a running list of simple and easy actions to take that feel good and can be done immediately. Keep that list readily available. Also, always have “call a friend” available, a friend that knows how to listen and not give advice.

Abiola: Beautiful advice. Thank you, Shane.

For more information on Shane Kulman, visit EnchantedEmbodiment.com where she is currently offering private coaching and workshops on overcoming stress and stepping into self-confidence.

Parenting Children and Our Inner Children

 

Childhood. Yours, your child’s and the combinations of them together.

SO in my work with supporting women in their sensuality, their parenting skills, creating realities they desire. I have a divide, Mothers and Non-Mothers. I see all women as women, as humans that cannot be “successful” while doing it alone. The biggest common denominators challenges between women with children and women without are:

• Self confidence (and confidence)
• Self-doubt
• Fear of not having their sh*t together
• Fear of being seen in not having their sh*t together

Of course the biggest difference is women with children have little beings depending on them. SO is there a difference in the support they receive? Not really, all women need other women. The way our TV and society raised us was to compare, and compete. I find that this is still a thread in many women relationships. When there is competition and it’s unhealthy competition or competition that is extreme; jealousy can happen, as well as self deprecation. Parenting from a place of “I’m not a good enough parent,” “I don’t have my sh*t together like ______,” or working so hard to appear like you have your sh*t together, is exhausting and your children feel it.

Operating as a woman (without kids) it is just as harmful to compete and compare. It creates a scarcity mentality, “there isn’t enough for me,” “I couldn’t have ALL the things I want,” and the famous; “if only….”

UGH! It’s enough. No one has to live this way. I would say with all the work I’ve done with and for myself, I live in a non-competitive and non-comparative way for at least 70% of the time. Occasionally when I’m already being hard on myself, and then I scroll FB with that energy, everyone is living a “better” life than me.

If you are a Mom, I am here to tell you having the thoughts, and eventually actions based on comparison and competitiveness are felt by your children.

I see it when I work with children in their classrooms. Most of the comparison talk shows up in the Housekeeping or Kitchen Area in the classroom. Some examples I’ve heard recently are: “My brother does that better than me.” “My Daddy is stronger than yours,” “I get to do that also, you’re not the only one.”

Many children are naturally competitive, some are just mellow and lean more towards being in their own world.

A good way to address your child or if you don’t have children, your inner child. Is with a kind and open, neutral voice. More important than your words, is your tone of voice. That’s what your children (and inner children) hear. So how do you motivate your child/inner child?

• Do you use punishment to motivate? “Do you want me to take your game away?”
• Do you use comparison to get your child to listen? ex.”your friend Nick would never do that.”
• Do you use your parenting authority? ex.”I am the parent and you do what I say!”
• Do you use fear? ex.” Just wait until I tell your teacher/father!
• Do you shame your child? ex. are you going to be the only child to not do their HW?

Your own inner child is how you parent, so again, whether you have a child or your inner child is one that needs motivation, here are a couple of languaging suggestions in your tone of voice; The tone is one of loving kindness

• I care about you, and you will feel better after getting it done
• I understand it’s annoying, and you’ll feel proud to show up
• I love you, and am here to help you do your best
• It would be easier to skip it, but you will be hard on yourself if you do

Our inner children of all ages, are alive and well, they show up at different times and at different angles. They have wisdom, so yes listen, but then tweak the tone every time.

Happy Parenting!

Love,

Shane

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