Who you surround yourself with makes a difference. Who your child calls his/her friends and who they admire matters. I see a lot of children who have BIG emotions, (mostly labeled anger.) Some of the important answers to know is, who is your child friends with?
Each morning I teach students who are incarcerated. The classes have have recently changed up the students in class. I see how certain peers bring out he worst in certain peers. I see the same peers shining when in class with other students. There is a huge difference in behavior when the “right” students are together.
Children are sensitive to energy and seek power. If your child has been showing signs of anger at home, know this. It’s critical they hang out with the “right” kids. The angry kids at school usually get the most attention and that can be impressive to a child who seeks out ways to feel “big.” I hear many Mothers worried about the impact this has on their children. If your child is displaying new behaviors that has you believing they are picking the wrong friends to hang out with and you worry about their future, know that you are not alone. Many children are dealing with copying the “bad influence” kids at school While worrying is something that feels real and valid. It’s a waste of energy. Actions are the only thing that will help this worrisome situation.
If your child does any of these behaviors at home, it’s time to step in…
- They come home using a fake voice that you KNOW is something they heard
- They are aggressive to their sibling or a pet
- They don’t look at you in the eyes when getting loud
- They suddenly begin throwing items when they are frustrated
- They look at you in the eyes and say “I don’t care”
- You hear them curse
If any of these behaviors start suddenly, do not ignore it. This is the exact time get real and know that this is a call for help. It usually does not just disappear, and it’s a pivotal point where you child can receive the love and support from you – the kind that lasts forever.
What to do next: Set up a meeting with their teacher and find out: whats really going on. Children are highly impressionable and follow the big energy, it can be something simple or these behaviors can be a sign of something bigger. Either way, it’s not the time to blame the school, other children or your child.
If this feels like something major, seek support for yourself from an education or therapist professional is a wise move. Take notes, when exactly does your child “act-out, ” what is happening exactly before. Being able to witness your child without judging if the are right or wrong, will help you stay neutral, instead of restoring to yelling, punishing, and basically acting exactly as they are.
Ideally, if there is a problem going on at school. you would like your child to come to you with any stories. If your child does come to you, it’s critical, to JUST LISTEN and ASK QUESTIONS. These are the times your child will learn problem solving. Be aware that you need to DO nothing, but listen and ask questions. This is how children receive support, by you giving them the space to share and come up with their own answers. This empowers them, giving advice only makes them feel right or wrong. Imagine you tell them what to do, then they don’t do it, (or can’t do it) then they come home feeling like they disappointed you.
Being a mindful and conscious parent is not easy. You love your children with all your heart. LOVE THEM ENOUGH TO TRUST THEM.
It’s not easy to