Parenting on Facebook: The unhealthy addiction and how it CAN hurt your family….

It’s natural, one sees another person being on vacation, having their kids sitting and posing for a photo and BAM, another “one” sees this photo, while her kid is running around screaming and throwing anything she can get her hands on and BAM, jealousy, rage, bitterness, shame and then the biggest epidemic GUILT.

What to do? Of course turn Facebook off, but usually it doesn’t work that way, this is the moment to go deeper into jealousy, rage, bitterness, shame and then (sigh) guilt.

How can it stop? There is no point to this, we truly have no idea about this other persons real deal, maybe it is as it seems, or maybe not.  It’s an unhealthy addiction and like any other must be monitored or it can be really harmful.

What has been happening to the parents I work with, who are having this FB addiction comparison struggle? They are flipping out (unconsciously) on their kids. They are secretly holding grudges and anger that are leaking out on their kids. They are holding this “not doing enough” energy and their families are feeling it. It’s not good, and it’s affecting the parents self worth.

This has turned into a PSA: Limit the time and set an intention of what you are doing on Facebook. Your family needs you to be present to THEM.

I would love to hear your feedback on this, please comment below.

Does Shopping Bring Joy?

Joy a feeling of great pleasure and happiness.

What brought you joy before having your child? Several parents I work with have difficulty with this question. “It’s hard to remember,” and “sleeping,” were the most popular answers. I see parents being run down, overwhelmed and turning to outside pleasers to feel good. Food, shopping and having a glass of wine. While I know these activities are socially acceptable ways of relaxing and having fun… they do not feed the soul, which means they are short  lived joy.

Waiting behind two Moms in a discount store.  It was close to the time to go pick up their children from school.  It was a medium sized line, and they were “high” on the bargains they had found. As the line got closer to their turn, they began taking turns to go get one more thing, run away and come back with a new score. Along with the time crunch of paying and having enough time to get their kids.  I felt the energy rising. At one point, the woman who was on the line, began grabbing things nearby looking at them, tossing them in her wagon, then taking them out, leaving some… Then she grabbed some chocolate covered almonds and went at it. The friend came back and they both began eating their eatable find until it was their turn. WHEW!

I knew these feelings, I know these feelings, and I am aware of the compulsive shopping and food challenges. There are many false feelings of fulfillment, joy, excitement, deserving,

“Outer joy is more like excitement, involving a quick flash of pleasure. It stems from either thrill or some animated feeling.” –WWW.PRAJNAYOGA.NET  This is an exact description of the ladies in from of me. The truth is, I can see this outter joy, because I spend many years only knowing of this joy.

Inner joy suggests contentment, contentment that is more refined than the quick pulse of pleasure.

What are the benefits of this inner joy?  Pshhht! Many! Here are a few:

• Improving heart health, less risk of heart disease
• Better overall health, (both in individuals and communities, to include families)
• Positive thoughts flow
• Emotional vitality: a sense of enthusiasm, hopefulness,

Are any of these a priority for you?   There is no Dr., no shooting, no amazing bottle of wine that will help you attain this inner joy. Here are a couple of practical and easy ways, to insert joy into your day. Tricking the body into joy is REAL, and it has actual impact on the brain.

• Start laughing, even if it feels weird
• Look in the mirror and smile
• Look in the mirror and make absolutely wacky faces (your kids or anyones kids will love it.)

Laura Kubzansky  “State of mind = State of body”

What awareness does this blog bring you? Do you resonate with it? Have you witnessed it? Are you that shopper?  Know this. You are not alone! I think we all have felt these shopping highs, purchasing impulsively or compulsively. We do live in an age where you can text someone hello, just as easy as you can buy airline tickets on our smartphones.. I hope your biggest take-away is awareness. Nothing has to change, nothing has to be done different, just an awareness of the activities we engage in. Your state of you mind correlates to the state of your body. 

Respectfully,

Shane

 

HEY! ARE YOU RELAXED YET?!?!?!?!??!

• Why do you go on vacation? 
• Why go to the spa?
• Why do yoga?
• Why go out and party?
• Why excersize?
• Why meditate?
• Why pay for a massage?
• Why go for drinks?
• Why see friends?

The answer is: TO RELAX.

How much time, money and energy is spent on any of these activities listed above. Does it balance out? The time spent thinking and talking about relaxation versus the time and actions actually spent  doing it?

What if relaxation was easy? Would it be enjoyed so much? What if you could relax every day guaranteed? Would it be enough? If you didn’t have to save, and work and pray and complain about not having time to relax, would you want it anymore?  Your body would, and your mind wouldn’t. Research shows, as a society, we want what we can’t have and vice versa. If we don’t have to suffer to get something than we don’t want it? Isn’t that crazy?  When exactly do we learn that suffering will lead us to what we worked so hard for.

I am here to say NO. No to suffering, NO to working hard in order to achieve relaxation. If one has to work so hard, and so long in order to relax, how will it ever balance out? If  money has to be spent in order to achieve relaxation, there will never be enough money,   if we are always making relaxation happen with external activities, we’ll never be relaxed enough…

How balanced is it when people count down 67 days until their vacation that lasts 7 days? It’s simple math. The answer is we MUST find ways to incorporate relaxation that comes from the inside every day. We cannot wait for others and perfect timing and specific situations to relax. It’s unfair to our bodies and minds.

If integrating relaxation could be a goal for everyone, there would be less high blood pressure, hypertension, physical pains, less traffic accidents, and less poor choices made.

There is a ton of research on how yoga and meditation are relaxing and beneficial. What if being quiet and still make you more anxious?  I use improv acting class to be loud and intense. What can you do to relax?

We can achieve full relaxation when our minds and bodies are connected.   If our body is physically resting, but our minds are thinking of what should be doing instead, we cannot achieve deep relaxation. This includes watching tv or hearing the radio. Any kind of input into our minds keeps our minds too busy to completely rest.

Happy relaxation… Taking that first action is the most important step.  Thinking about doing something and doing it are miles apart. It’s the physical action that counts.

So yes to vacations, massages, yoga and dance classes, yes to tennis, bowling hanging with friends etc. BUT also consider including relaxation that comes from the inside.

Here are some easy ways to find inner relax daily:

1. exercise every day, get it done and over with in the morning, involve your children.
2. write in a journal
3. breathe into your belly and drink water
4. self massage (neck, shoulders feet, scalp)
5. take a bath
6. turn off the TV and lay on your back in Shavasana
7. give yourself a foot massage, or ask for family volunteers
8. Pranayama * Conscious breathing

Happy Relaxation!

Shane B. Kulman, MS

The Throat Chakra – The key to expressing your truth Guest Blogger Terese Kerr

The Throat Chakra – The key to expressing your truth

“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” – Maya Angelou

We are verbal beings. We currently live in a mass culture dominated by the word, and our current popular culture seems to thrive on gossip, actively encouraging its citizens to talk about other people. Our word is powerful, and the way in which we speak our words has great influence and real impact in our lives.

Who has not experienced the feeling of choking up, of being unable to speak? We struggle at times to ‘find the right words’. We may feel we say the ‘wrong’ thing, and experience harmful words flying from our mouths before we can stop them. At other times, we may force ourselves to stay quiet, to avoid trouble, when we truly have something we want to say.

All of these situations may indicate an imbalance in the throat chakra. This chakra is the home and source of truthful and meaningful communication. The Sanskrit name for the throat chakra Vissudha, means purification. When we team this concept of purification with the purpose of this chakra, we begin to understand that truthful communication which is clean and wise, impeccable and full of integrity is not only desirable – it is good for us. When we have a healthy throat chakra, we are mindful of what we say, and why we are saying it.

Another important function of the throat chakra is the act of listening. This includes listening to the outer world with our physical ears, as well as listening to our internal world. When we focus attention internally and listen to what our bodies are telling us, we begin to hear the truth of our own inner story. Thoughts and fears are trying to communicate. Body sensations carry meaning and a yearning to be heard. As we begin to hear our inner story, we experience a deeper resonance with our true self.

The throat chakra is also the gateway to our unique creative expression. Creativity, be it through dance, art, language or music, gives expression to our inner discoveries. We can develop our creative self through awakening the throat chakra.

As we open and heal the throat chakra, we actively begin to speak in a way that creates a more harmonious life. We open up to authentic self-expression and we become more attentive to our own truths, as well as the truths of others.

The throat chakra, more than any other, governs our relationship with vibrations and resonance. We can resonate with the vibrations of music, people, ideas, environments or even the universe. When we find this resonance, a sense of harmony and rhythm is experienced. When not in resonance, we sense a feeling of discord. We may feel that we do not fit in or belong.

Although the energy of the throat chakra is more subtle than the lower chakra energies, it’s still incredibly powerful. Just think of how a singer can break glass with her voice – the vibrations from this chakra can and do affect matter and therefore us. We all tune into vibes all the time. Working with the throat chakra increases our awareness of this energy and its impact.

There are a variety of techniques to aid purification including what the Buddhists call ‘wise speech’, periods of verbal silence and the practice of chanting. When the throat chakra becomes purified, we awaken to the more subtle communication abilities of telepathy.

Evaluating your throat chakra:

Simply answer YES or NO to each of the statements below. The more YES answers you can honestly give yourself, the better you are balanced in the throat centre.

∆ I am a good listener.

∆ I do not gossip about others behind their backs.

∆ I have a good sense of rhythm.

∆ I have a strong clear voice.

∆ My creative life is important to me.

∆ I am able to express myself clearly and effectively.

∆ I pick up on ‘vibes’ easily.

Balancing your throat chakra:

Chakradance – The dance of Expression

Blending free-flowing movements with particular frequencies of sound, Chakradance is a dynamic dance journey through the 7 chakras. The movements of the throat chakra have been inspired by many ancient dances. So many cultures all over the planet interweave the voice and dance to increase the awareness of spirit. The Greek word horus refers to both dance and song, and is the origin of the word chorus. In Ancient Egypt, performers often danced while reciting poetry, while in Hawaii, chant and dance are blended to communicate the story. In Tibetan culture, mystical rituals performed by monks interweave chanting and sound (gyaling horns, cymbals and bells), with delicate movements of the body. In Chakradance, we weave sound and movement in a ‘mantra-dance’ to intensify our self- expression and creativity.

In our classes, we complete the dance of expression with the creation of a personal “mandala” artwork, which we find helps to integrate and contain the energy that has come up during the dance.

For more information on Chakradance classes and music specifically to dance the throat chakra go towww.chakradance.com/

Throat chakra crystals:
Turquoise, aquamarine, sodalite

These crystals may be placed on the location of the throat chakra (throat cavity) for clearing, revitalising and healing. You may even choose to carry one of these crystals with you throughout your day.

Throat chakra oils:
Eucalyptus, lavender, chamomile, frankincense

These oils can be used in massage treatments, burned in an oil burner or you may even add a few drops in to your bath.

Affirmations:

“I allow the truth to speak through me.”

“I am heard.”

“Creativity flows through me.”

“It is my essence to create.”

“When I listen I hear the truth.”

“I am able to speak to others clearly and eloquently.”

“It is good, right, and safe for me to express my true essence.”

“My truth is necessary.”

“I allow my essence to express itself in my life.”

Affirmations are a powerful way of communicating with your inner self. Use these positive messages (or find your own) as part of your healing process for your throat chakra.

5 Top Tips for balancing your throat chakra:

1. Have the intention of always being open and honest with your communication. Try to keep communication meaningful, not indulging in gossip, lies and pointless chit-chat.

2. Be mindful of the Buddhist precept of wise speech: “Is it true, is it kind, is it necessary, is it the right time?”

3. Acknowledge that ‘listening’ is as much a part of communication as talking, and practice active listening.

4. Be open to higher levels of communication (telepathy, clairaudience, channelling).

5. Explore ways of connecting with your innate authentic creativity eg. dance, painting, the way you dress, cooking etc.

The Humming Breath:

Practice this simple breathing technique regularly to activate your throat chakra…

Sit in a comfortable position with a straight spine. Begin by exhaling as much air as possible from your lungs before taking in a deep, slow breath through your nose, refilling your lungs. On your next exhalation, make a soft humming sound like a bee. When you run out of breath, take another deep inhalation, continuing the humming sound as you exhale. Begin with a few minutes practice, working up to 10-15 minutes at a time. When you have finished your humming breath practice, lie down and relax for a few minutes.

Everyday ways to balance your throat chakra:

Experiment with wearing the colour sky-blue or bring this colour more into your life. Open yourself to some new creative projects – it may be as simple as getting creative with your wardrobe or experimenting with an unexplored medium like sculpting! Spend a few minutes each day chanting the seed sound of the throat chakra which is “hum” or find a mantra that works for you. Be sensitive to your environment and the people around you and try and tune into the “vibes” – what resonates for you and what doesn’t? Listen to your own inner voice!

I’ll be talking about the third eye chakra, and how to balance it, next week.

Namaste,

Natalie Southgate – Founder of Chakradance.
Website – www.chakradance.com/
Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/Chakradance

Will You Please Pass the Hurricane?

How do you handle trauma in your family?  Do you watch the news with your children and then leave them to figure it all out on their own?  Are you talking about how you lost everything to the neighbor with your child standing next to you?  Are you trying to shop for all what was lost and buying new things out of guilt? Even if your home was not affected, are you letting this catastrophe be passed by without using it as a great lesson in empathy and compassion for your children?  Pass the salt, oh hey yeah that hurricane happened, whats for dinner?”

Like everyone else I sat and watched the news about Hurricane Sandy, and waited to see what will happen next, who is without and what favorite beach town was washed away.  I felt empty and lost, like what can I do right now to help?

What I also realized is they were not showing children responses and rightfully so, it would be overwhelming for the child. When I finally left my house, and got on the bus, I sat near a boy who was about 4 years old, he was talking to a girl next to him, he exclaimed, “I saw a fish on the sidewalk, and it came from the ocean!”  He said it really show and all big eyed.  It sent a complete chill up my spine.  It was the first child’s experience I was hearing from a child  of  his experience.

A recent guest on my show shared, “as soon as our lights went out, Emily (7 years old) demanded that the family dance!”  Seeing a catastrophe through children’s eyes is  interesting.  What effects them the most is how their adults around them speak, and act after the situation.

I found out via social media that I have several friends that, had monster floods and lost cars, a whole basement and in one case a whole house.

I am inspired to write this blog after I read one post from a girlfriend who I felt is a POWERFUL PARENT after Hurricane Sandy.

Here is an excerpt from what she wrote:

“Still feeling overwhelmed and saddened by what we have been through going through for the last few weeks. Waiting on adjusters is maddening. Waiting to hear from car companies is annoying. But I took my boys to Bell Harbor, Rockaway and breezy today. I was amazed at their outlook on things. All they wanted to do was give toys to kids. Wanted to put smiles on their faces. I know we didn’t lose our home like so many others did but we lost a lot. The saddest part for me was the terror in their eyes when water started RUSHING in our home. It was filling up the basement at a scary speed. They thought they were gonna drown in their own home. Yet, when the dust settled, they raised money for others and wanted to put smiles on other kids faces. I am proud of my boys for many reasons but this really warmed my heart and made me feel as though I really am doing a good job with them. Thank you god for blessing me with my boys.” LCD Brooklyn, NY

So amazing!  Taking her children to volunteer in a neighborhood where the people lost more then they did, was brilliant, it helped put in prospective what they have is amazing, even if they lost toys and “stuff.” I am a huge fan of volunteering. Volunteering alongside your children is payment into the blueprint of the way they grow up. Its priceless.

Many people have suggestions on how to speak to your children about Hurricane Sandy or any disaster. Doing speaks volumes, speaking often confuses a child and doesn’t get the point across as much as the acting of helping a peer.

All the love and light to all the parents who are handling their lives in the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy. It’s not easy, but the ways you do handle your life teaches children what REALLY matters in life. ~LOVE

When you don’t know what to do, just look into the eyes of your child, they will tell you…

What is Safe Space?

 

What is a SAFE SPACE?  Is this a new age term?  Do you have specific spaces you consider safe?  Is this a physical place or is it space between people or within oneself?  Creating a safe space is new agey,  but now that I am aware of  what this FEELS like.  It’s a new description but an age old idea. Safe space can be:

• a physical place
• a relationship (parent & child, spouses, friends, boss & employee etc)
• used during problem solving (or a disagreement)
• time used before making a decision
•  given verbally
• used in a conversation
• a mindset

When I grew up the word “safe” meant free from  physically getting hurt. Now a safe space means something different to me.  Its a place where I can be free, completely free to express myself in any way I can imagine.  A space with no judgment and no criticism.  I am lucky to know how I am able to actually create this space anywhere.

This year I was faced with a recurring issue with the children. All the children presented anger issues during our sessions. Just a coincidence?  I think not.   This year, due to my acting class, I am more aware than ever before of my feelings and trust myself to show them. It’s a whole new rainbow of feelings!  What  I brought to my little clients this year, was a safe space to feel.  I allowed them to be as big and mad as they felt.    Maybe it created disagreements, but I was truthful and genuine from me. 

I see many parents dancing around the truth, using fear, or thinking they are helping their child by giving in to what they meltdown about. This message couldn’t be a worse lesson to learn.  By “sticking to your guns” as a parent, it shows strength and creates limits and boundaries. Children who are acting out, are acting out for a reason. They may not be happy with an answer they get, or they may be physically uncomfortable. If they are coaxed into being happy, or moving on from tears, they are not feeling or learning conflict resolution.

After there were no more tears, and there was no attention from me, other than occasionally asking “do you need me for anything?” They  came to me, joined me in what I was doing asked me if I wanted to play.  This respectful bond made our connection even deeper. In all four scenarios, after we resolved the problem, our sessions became something more special.

In one case, a little girl brought me to her room (which we hadn’t been to in the year I was working with her, in another case a little boy began greeting me and inviting me to play (which hadn’t happened in 6 months.)  Another child came to me with a boo-boo, in the past she would only go screaming to her Mother.

If we do not provide children a safe space to completely feel, they will never learn how to express themselves.  Caregivers may feel the need to do something, doing something may look like doing nothing. We now can know that giving them space –  may look like doing nothing, but it is something, and it is powerful.

Tantrums are thought of as “nightmares” or “something terrible.”  I see them as children not knowing the correct way to express themselves.  I’ve had and have tantrums.  In that moment, I am so passionate about something I am unable to express myself using any of my tools.  I understand tantrums, I am compassionate towards children I work with who express themselves this way, as well as random children on the street who have them.  I am also compassionate towards parents and caregivers who only think stopping a tantrum is the way to handle it.

How can you “teach” your child to feel?

• Allowing yourself to feel in front of them
• naturally demonstrating your frustration
• showing conflict resolution
• validating their feelings, without judgement (I understand it’s not fair, I would be upset, frustrated, angry too)

If we give people and ourselves all the space we really need, life becomes easier and more effortless…

This has become a great lesson for me, a naturally born pushy gal!

Namaste and thank you for reading

Make Like a Tree….. and Leave

HA HA!

No really, proving that even the most obnoxious comment can be learned from.  Let us digress for a moment and think of what a tree does…

• it grows
• it provides home and shelter
• gives shade
• rooted in the earth
• provides beauty
• does not complain
• open to abuse and negativity
• can be decorated for holidays
• it breathes in carbon dioxide
• gives out oxygen

The more I think of this and write about it, the more obvious it is that WE as human beings are trees.  Just by being alive we are vulnerable, we cannot control anything. We can learn from everything that abuses us, or attempts to break our branches.   We grow, we can be ugly or blossom beautifully, we can be grounded, (not reaching for anything) if we work hard to grow, beautiful things will be attracted to us, and we will be able to provide.

Many parents I work with question “why was I given this child?” in many different ways.  Many other parents I work with are able to see the blessing their children they are.  I have heard “I hate autism,”  “I wish my kid was just normal,” “when will he snap out of it?”  When you plant a negativity seed, it will grow if you feed it, and you will be an ugly wilting tree.  In those moments of weakness when you begin questioning “why this, why that…?” ask yourself which tree you want to invest time in growing.  You should allow yourself all the negative thoughts you want.  By giving yourself rules about negativity will help you avoid becoming insane.

1. Don’t physically act on it
2. Allow yourself a set time to feel negative
3. Find a healthy way to stop (journal, meditation, mantra, be creative)

Trees cannot hide, you cannot hide, trees must stand tall, you must stand tall and be proud, trees do not want to be cut down, you cannot run away from your child.

In the meantime as you continue to work on yourself and keep your branches “growing” and keep yourself learning about yourself, your child is watching you, they are feeling your growth.  You will attract other people who are growing as you are.  The best way to live is to have a community of like-minded people who make conscious decisions and who aren’t afraid to question everything. They will be open to listen with an open heart.

I went to Storm King Art Center this past fall. I saw the most magnificent trees ever.  This is an outdoor museum with colossal  sized sculptures.  I came up with a theory that these were the best trees growing anywhere because of the beautiful art that is surrounded by them.  Surround yourself with beautiful people, beautiful ideas and objects, create the life you can be excited and joyous about.  Your children can only benefit from the beauty you provide for them….

Namaste,                                                                                                                                Shane, founder of Your Beautiful Child

Ho ho ho let it go…

Ciao!

In college, I was given this book, The Way of the Peaceful Warrior by Dan Millman.  It was my first experience hearing the term “let it go.”

The term has become so popular in every group of people I meet, and has become wonderfully  appropriate for the parents I work with who struggle with their child having a  label/disability.   While I don’t particularly love labels at all, if it’s whats required to get a child the services they need or the classroom that will serve them better, so be it.  Since the child is not aware of the label, why make them aware?  In considering the term “special” education, I think everyone deserves this special-ness.  Don’t you?!

In order for us to understand how to let a child’s disability go, or what I actually mean is – go back to school when everyone was put in a category, pretty, popular, ugly, smart, lonely, athlete etc. When you are put into the “real world” no one tells us- “ok now you can be yourself, change groups if you want, be a part of many groups, hang out alone’  After finishing with organized education, many people follow the crowd. The lucky ones realize they can do what now pleases them!  Then there are the people that get stuck in situations that don’t serve them best.  Not having the place to be “popular and pretty” anymore makes them feel lost.  On the flip side the ones that were “nerdy and unpopular” may begin to thrive, with finding like-minded people.  To realize no one is judging , and no one cares…  By letting these given titles go, the world and life is so much fun!  It allows room to grow to change!

As a therapist working with parents of special needs children I see many parents depressed and anxious about their child.  They can only focus on the future and of the negative.  Will my child ever make friends?  Will he be potty trained?  Will he ever say “I love you” or give a hug?  When I begin to work with a child, I come and play with a child, not an Autistic child, or a Down syndrome child, just a kid who intrinsically wants to be comfortable and learn.

Parents are surprised when I bring out regular toys and sensory items to use with their child. As a therapist they imagine their child’s session will be clinical and different than a “normal” child.  This is the beginning of the impression they will feel, and they will begin to let the label given to their child go…

Who cares if a child has Autism?  If a child can be happy and comfortable and express their needs, it is the first  steps headed in direction of success. If a parent is doing all they can for their child, then it’s all good.  When their child is not in school or having a therapy session, all a parent needs to do is play with their child.   Join the child’s world, do exactly what the child is doing. Let go of what a child is supposed to be doing.  By doing exactly what they are doing, it’s showing them you respect them. Do this every day for 20 minutes. Do not place expectations on the child, no goals.  This is time for loving the child exactly where they are at.

This is the best therapy of all. No therapist or  fancy physician can be with a child and get the same results as a parent can. Lets call it LOVE THERAPY.  You don’t even need to use words, if a child is non-verbal, talking may be overstimulating which can cause repetitive behaviors.  Keep it simple:

 

• Set aside 20 min(or less) with your child
• Approach your child
• Smile
• Join and copy them
• Have no distractions, no phone, no computer etc.
• Let go of your expectations

I know it will help other parents if you have a story to share about “letting go.” Let this be a space of sharing…

Have a wonderful holiday. Practice LOVE THERAPY with your child every day during their break. Write down a short paragraph about the wonderful changes you witness.

Be love,

Shane

Leave The Plastic Home…

Hola Amigos!

It is BBQ season here in the East coast, time to go to the beach and parks.  It is time to let the DVD players and TV sets stay off.  After reading a really great blog www.loveyourglow.wordpress.com, I laughed about the fact that we, as a culture bring so many plastic toys to the beach and park.  When taking my Brain gym class, the teacher explained that if children watch too much TV or stare at the computer, they lose their natural instinct to look  peripheral vision.  I think it’s the same when children play with toys at the beach, they might “forget” to check out how much sand their hands can hold…

I played with many 2-4 year neuro-typical old children this past weekend, at a BBQ.  All of a sudden I found myself  in the suburbs, where the one word that constantly came to mind was “abundance.”  I had so much fun talking and playing with the children at this party. Yes were sitting in a giant bouncer, but with no toys or stuff to use,  we had fun, we told stories, we told jokes and we made up songs.  This does not we had smooth sailing, there were problems and issues that arose.  But they were solved so easily with just words.  All the children were so attentive and engaged.

Because I work with children with special needs, with whom  playing and talking does not come naturally, I forget how neuro-typical children operate.  While it is a lot of work (ehem, like any child) I found myself watching how Mothers and Father’s handled their children’s behavior situations.  I do not judge, just observe.   In my experiences, parents that respect their child’s words and requests, have children that were open minded and wonderful self-esteem.

When I returned from playing with the children, almost every adult commented that I must be exhausted.  In fact as soon as I tell people I work with children with special needs, people always say “you must have SO much patience.”   My reply is always the same, “I need more patience to work with adults.”  All adults, even ones without children.

The purpose of my radio show, this blog, what I talk about at workshops is simple.  Respect yourself, respect your child.

Leave the plastic toys home, let your child figure out how to move the clouds. Take the DVD player out of the car, make up a song about traffic, share your feelings stories with your children.  Be honest, let them know that sometimes you get angry at people.  Stop telling them what to do, and do it yourself, “model” how you want them to be.  Be a teacher not a servant, embrace their individuality and let them be independent.

Love your beautiful child with no reservations, kinda like they love you.