Does Shopping Bring Joy?

Joy a feeling of great pleasure and happiness.

What brought you joy before having your child? Several parents I work with have difficulty with this question. “It’s hard to remember,” and “sleeping,” were the most popular answers. I see parents being run down, overwhelmed and turning to outside pleasers to feel good. Food, shopping and having a glass of wine. While I know these activities are socially acceptable ways of relaxing and having fun… they do not feed the soul, which means they are short  lived joy.

Waiting behind two Moms in a discount store.  It was close to the time to go pick up their children from school.  It was a medium sized line, and they were “high” on the bargains they had found. As the line got closer to their turn, they began taking turns to go get one more thing, run away and come back with a new score. Along with the time crunch of paying and having enough time to get their kids.  I felt the energy rising. At one point, the woman who was on the line, began grabbing things nearby looking at them, tossing them in her wagon, then taking them out, leaving some… Then she grabbed some chocolate covered almonds and went at it. The friend came back and they both began eating their eatable find until it was their turn. WHEW!

I knew these feelings, I know these feelings, and I am aware of the compulsive shopping and food challenges. There are many false feelings of fulfillment, joy, excitement, deserving,

“Outer joy is more like excitement, involving a quick flash of pleasure. It stems from either thrill or some animated feeling.” –WWW.PRAJNAYOGA.NET  This is an exact description of the ladies in from of me. The truth is, I can see this outter joy, because I spend many years only knowing of this joy.

Inner joy suggests contentment, contentment that is more refined than the quick pulse of pleasure.

What are the benefits of this inner joy?  Pshhht! Many! Here are a few:

• Improving heart health, less risk of heart disease
• Better overall health, (both in individuals and communities, to include families)
• Positive thoughts flow
• Emotional vitality: a sense of enthusiasm, hopefulness,

Are any of these a priority for you?   There is no Dr., no shooting, no amazing bottle of wine that will help you attain this inner joy. Here are a couple of practical and easy ways, to insert joy into your day. Tricking the body into joy is REAL, and it has actual impact on the brain.

• Start laughing, even if it feels weird
• Look in the mirror and smile
• Look in the mirror and make absolutely wacky faces (your kids or anyones kids will love it.)

Laura Kubzansky  “State of mind = State of body”

What awareness does this blog bring you? Do you resonate with it? Have you witnessed it? Are you that shopper?  Know this. You are not alone! I think we all have felt these shopping highs, purchasing impulsively or compulsively. We do live in an age where you can text someone hello, just as easy as you can buy airline tickets on our smartphones.. I hope your biggest take-away is awareness. Nothing has to change, nothing has to be done different, just an awareness of the activities we engage in. Your state of you mind correlates to the state of your body. 

Respectfully,

Shane

 

Acceptance over Resolutions

Year after year, for most of my life, I would set resolutions for the new year, ways I will change, things I will start doing. These were typically things I never wanted to do, I was not consistent at, and usually failed at.

I found that setting these resolutions were just another way of beating myself up, keeping myself a failure.   I say setting a resolution of ACCEPTANCE. Acceptance of ALL PARTS OF MYSELF. Radical acceptance of:

• my treadmill ignoring self,
• my non-waking  up early self,
• my always arriving late self.

Once I began accepting these things I considered what was wrong with me, GUESS WHAT!? I changed.

Have a precious beginning of this New Year. As dear friends of mine say, “enjoy this trip around the sun!”

Wearing Your Make-up From the Night Before By Shane B. Kulman, MS

I had an early talk to give, and had performed in an improv show the night before, so I wore the same makeup. So there, I said it.  It wasn’t my plan- it just happened.

I am aware of all the judgements you have while reading this, some judgment and some relief, maybe both?  This was not the plan of course, I am pretty good about washing my face before I go to bed.  This time it didn’t’ happen that way, and you know what IT WORKED.  If you know me, or have listened to my radio show, you are aware I have been lucky enough to create a work schedule that does not include being anywhere before 11am. This workshop began at 8am in midtown Manhattan.

Other than not being healthy for my skin, what reasons was this a bad thing?  When you think of these reasons, is it based on “the right thing to do?’ Who created these right things? Are you not my friend anymore, do you think I’m dirty? do you not want to follow the work I do? Once you answer those questions, ask yourself if those judgements matter to me….

Why am I writing this on my blog?  Here is why.

When you are thinking of “doing the right thing” for your child or your Self, as a parent or a human being, do you do what you think is what everyone else would consider the right thing? Or are you doing what works for your child and your Self?

This is a great question when something you are working so hard to get done, isn’t flowing,  or your child is fighting against what you think is best for him/her? Following a child’s lead (whether it’s your own, a child in view, or in your life) can show you what is really right. Children are connected to the truth WAY EASIER than we are.   My suggestion is this: if something is not working out easily and feels forced, take a step back  (literally)  and think about why you dare doing it? Is it because it’s the right thing to do according to the social norm?  Are you considering what people will say about you? Becoming mindful of these times will create less paddling up sh*t’s creek.

Life could be lived without being so hard and forced.  By squeezing too many errands or appointments into one day, each task is not done with full presence, you end up running late, and for what? To be a superhero parent? So you can you feel proud when talking about how busy you are? In the midst of the day of working hard to “do the right things” many moments are zipped through with all sorts of meaningful things ignored; thoughts, signs, beauty and most of all answers about bigger questions in your life.

As we grow, and or get older, life can become easier and more manageable. If  it isn’t, something must shift, or what usually happens is, you get sick. Your body tells you to stop and slow down.   Living a life thats based on what works, vs. what your supposed to do makes all the difference.

Louise hay asks the question, “do you have poverty in time or are you prosperous in time?”

With all my heart,

Shane